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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree? v.10

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 10
People spend most of their leisure time watching television. Individuals become less active because of this, and it does not allow them to interact with other humans. I completely agree with the statement. The essay below will elaborate more on the reasons. To start with, there has been an issue of the health problems related to people being less physically fit. Many people prefer to watch their favourite Tv programs when they are not busy to engaging in exercise. It is possible that the Entertainment industry has also contributed to making more people stick to their tv by producing so many interesting programs. For instance, the popular reality show "Big Brother Naija" has made so many Nigerians to rush back to their homes after work, and also, to not leave the house at weekends just because, they want to follow what is happening in the Big Brother House. It makes people dormant. Secondly, social life is greatly affected when almost everyone is glued to their television. People associate with others when they create a chance to go for casual events like birthday parties or the Community meetings. An example is how a good friend of mine who has stayed in the United State of America for over five years cannot boast of having up to ten friends. This is because, he does not spare a time for casual gatherings. He rather watches sports programs at home, thereby not making new friends in the city. In conclusion, so many people spend their free time watching television programs, therefore, they become lazy and also distanced from other humans. As much as others might think otherwise, I strongly believe that it is true.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
spend most of their leisure time watching television. Individuals become less active
because of this
, and it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to interact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
humans. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement. The essay below will elaborate more on the reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there has been an issue of the health problems related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being less
physically
fit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
when they are not busy to engaging in exercise. It is possible that the Entertainment industry has
also
contributed to making more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stick to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
by producing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
For instance
, the popular reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
Brother
Possible spelling mistake found.
Naija
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Nigerians to rush back to their homes after work, and
also
, to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
at weekends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they want to follow what is happening in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Big
Brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
House
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dormant.

Secondly
, social life is
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
when almost everyone
is glued
to their television.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
associate with others when they create a chance to go for casual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like birthday parties or the Community meetings. An example is how a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
friend of mine who has stayed in the United State of America for over five years cannot boast of having up to ten friends. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, he does not spare a time for casual gatherings. He
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
at home, thereby not making new friends in the city.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their free time watching television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
,
therefore
, they become lazy and
also
distanced from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
humans. As much as others might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
, I
strongly
believe that it is true.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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