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More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution. v.9

More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution. v. 9
Tourists are generally drawn to museums and historical locations when visiting new countries. However, records have shown local people’s low attendance at these attractions. Some explanations will be put forward before solutions can be drawn to tackle this problem. There are several reasons as to why tourists, instead of the local people, come to museums and historical places. First, these locations can provide visitors with a comprehensive overview of the traditions in the particular locality they are situated. As a result, such destinations are generally more appealing to the newcomers than to the locals, those without the need to familiarise themselves with the traditional values of the region. Moreover, because the layout of museums and historical houses is likely to remain unchanged through years, they can be visually unattractive to the local inhabitants, who may have been to these sites for at least once in their younger years. Several measures can be prompted to promote locals’ attendance rate at buildings for historic relics and museums. The main solution is to change the public’s perception of such places as sites for only monotonous activities. Should civic events including weddings, anniversaries and concerts be allowed to be held in these locations, they would attract substantial public attention to historical values. Another resolution is that historians and preservationists should be featured more frequently on the media, with their articles on the tremendous worth of museums and historical remains. To conclude, historical areas and museums can be uninteresting for local citizens because they can be too familiar with the culture that these places depict. To better this, there should be more media coverage on historical assets, and also more open-door policies to use such locations as spots for more public-oriented activities.
Tourists are
generally
drawn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
when visiting new countries.
However
, records have shown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s low attendance at these attractions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
explanations will
be put
forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
solutions can
be drawn
to tackle this problem.

There are several reasons as to why tourists,
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
places.
First
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
can provide visitors with a comprehensive overview of the traditions in the particular locality they
are situated
.
As a result
, such destinations are
generally
more appealing to the newcomers than to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
, those without the need to
Possible spelling mistake. 'familiarise' is British English.
familiarise
themselves with the traditional values of the region.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the layout of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
is likely to remain unchanged through years, they can be
visually
unattractive to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
inhabitants, who may have been to these sites for at least once in their younger years.

Several measures can
be prompted
to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals’
attendance rate at buildings for historic relics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. The main solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the public’s perception of such places as sites for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
monotonous activities. Should civic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
including weddings, anniversaries and concerts be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
be held
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
, they would attract substantial public attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
values. Another resolution is that historians and preservationists should
be featured
more
frequently
on the media, with their articles on the tremendous worth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
remains.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
areas and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can be uninteresting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can be too familiar with the culture that these places depict. To better this, there should be more media coverage on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
assets, and
also
more open-door policies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locations
as spots for more public-oriented activities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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