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Some people think that children benefit from the TV and they should spend much time on it, but others support that children should not watch TV. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.3

Some people think that children benefit from the TV and they should spend much time on it, but others support that children should not watch TV. v. 3
Many people support that, the children are having advantages from the television and they should watch it, but others think that children should not spend time on TV. There are some both pros and cons about these views. I agree that children have to know how to manage time and this essay will discuss the both sides of the argument. On the one hand, the specific benefits about spending time on television are generally related to information and knowledge. For example, some researches shown that, the most affective way to learn a new language is to watch TV series on the TV in that language which is wanting to learn. Moreover, sometimes the television series are might be useful even in own language to practicing grammar and refreshing out to vocabulary. As a consequence, researchers which are supported to watch Tv have got strong evidences about the good effects of watching TV. However, there are some extremely hazardous cons about spending a lot of time on TV. On the other hand, there are also a lot of supporters which are supporting two TV has to be banned for children. The main and the most efficient reason for this view is the side effects on children's health and growing process. To illustrate that, there are some diseases which cause some harmful consequences such as, epilepsy. These kind of diseases may injure or even kill. The best way to protect children is limited to the time and then close to the device. Otherwise, it may become a kind of addiction, which is will be a waste of time for that child. These are extremely high prices to pay for a moment of fun. In conclusion, spending a lot of time might be bad for children's future. In my opinion, the most accurate way to solve this problem is having a balanced routine between both sides and limit the time in spending time on TV. Although, one day child wants to watch more TV, parents which are responsible for their child have to be disciplined and strict on their routine to protect their child in an accurate way.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are having advantages from the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
television and
they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on TV. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
both pros and cons about these views. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
know how to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and this essay will discuss the both sides of the argument.

On the one hand, the specific benefits about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on television are
generally
related to information and knowledge.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researches shown that, the most affective way to learn a new language is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV series on the TV in that language which
The verb 'wanting' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is wanting
to learn.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the television series are might be useful even in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
language to practicing grammar and refreshing out to vocabulary. As a consequence, researchers which
are supported
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
strong evidences about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
effects of watching TV.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extremely
hazardous cons about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on TV.

On the other hand
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
supporters which are supporting two TV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be banned
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. The main and the most efficient reason for this view is the side effects on children's health and growing process. To illustrate that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases which cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harmful consequences such as, epilepsy.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of diseases may injure or even kill. The best way to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is limited
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and then close to the device.
Otherwise
, it may become a kind of addiction, which
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
is will
be a waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. These are
extremely
high prices to pay for a moment of fun.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for children's future. In my opinion, the most accurate way to solve this problem is having a balanced routine between both sides and limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on TV. Although, one day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
more TV, parents which are responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be disciplined
and strict on their routine to protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
Consider replacing "in an accurate way" with the adverb for "accurate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an accurate way
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that children benefit from the TV and they should spend much time on it, but others support that children should not watch TV. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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