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Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes. Should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be built in the countryside? v.4

Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes. Should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be built in the countryside? v. 4
Overpopulation on the rise in most of the developing nations and accommodation is one of the challenging concerns here. Some people believe in building fresh shelters in the same urban space, whereas others believe in developing towns from scratch in the outskirts. The former seems to be more appropriate because it aids in seamless access to daily-life needs and helps protect the environment. The increasing population is a burning issue for many nations like China and India. In the process of combating this issue, one of the major challenges being faced by the governing authorities is the provision of shelter. The governing bodies should have a well-defined plan in expanding the existing city by following a downtown concept and building high rises to allow for maximum apartments. This way the residents can have seamless access to all the supports provided by governments like transport, medical and emergency facilities which are undoubtedly much better in the main cities rather than on the outskirts. For example, in Kolkata which is one of the metropolitan cities in India with a constantly increasing population, there is a concept of residential hub and complex where an array of high rises are prevalent which are a community in itself. Consequently, such a planned and organized housing structure is absolutely assisting the governments to combat the accommodation challenges much more effectively by delivering the much-needed amenities to the residents as the operating zones are limited and not spanning to the outskirts. Moreover, expanding shelters in the metropolitan city also aids in preserving the greeneries in the suburbs, thus maintaining the ecological balance in nature. Deforestation can be prevented to a larger extent thereby keeping the alarming pollution levels at bay. Although expanding the accommodation facilities in the outskirts would have provided a more personal space to the residents, it cannot be ignored that they are also one of the most sought holiday spots for many people as it provides tranquility and calmness due to indulgence in nature. For example, in Kolkata, there is ample scenic beauty in the suburbs with a lively atmosphere and pleasant climatic conditions and summer holidays are reserved for an outing in those areas, which conveys a message that people badly need a break from the daily hustle-bustle. In conclusion, increasing the residential apartments in the metropolitan city would be a much essential step in combating the increasing population keeping in mind the facilities to be made accessible to the residents as well as providing improved health and maintaining a good ecological balance.
Overpopulation on the rise in most of the developing nations and accommodation is one of the challenging concerns here.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe in building fresh shelters in the same urban space, whereas others believe in developing towns from scratch in the outskirts. The former seems to be more appropriate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it aids in seamless access to daily-life needs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
protect the environment.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
population is a burning issue for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations like China and India. In the process of combating this issue, one of the major challenges
being faced
by the governing authorities is the provision of shelter. The governing bodies should have a well-defined plan in expanding the existing city by following a downtown concept and building high rises to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
for maximum apartments. This way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
can have seamless access to all the supports provided by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
like transport, medical and emergency facilities which are
undoubtedly
much better in the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
rather
than on the outskirts.
For example
, in Kolkata which is one of the metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in India with a
constantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
population, there is a concept of residential hub and complex where an array of high rises are prevalent which are a community in itself.
Consequently
, such a planned and organized housing structure is
absolutely
assisting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to combat the accommodation challenges much more
effectively
by delivering the much-needed amenities to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
as the operating zones
are limited
and not spanning to the outskirts.

Moreover
, expanding shelters in the metropolitan city
also
aids in preserving the
Possible spelling mistake found.
greeneries
in the suburbs,
thus
maintaining the ecological balance in nature. Deforestation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
to a larger extent thereby keeping the alarming pollution levels at bay. Although expanding the accommodation facilities in the outskirts would have provided a more personal space to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
, it cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
that they are
also
one of the most sought holiday spots for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as it provides tranquility and calmness due to indulgence in nature.
For example
, in Kolkata, there is ample scenic beauty in the suburbs with a lively atmosphere and pleasant climatic conditions and summer holidays
are reserved
for an outing in those areas, which conveys a message that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
badly
need a break from the daily hustle-bustle.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
the residential apartments in the metropolitan city would be
Maybe you should omit the article 'a', leaving only "much".
a much
essential step in combating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
population keeping in mind the facilities to
be made
accessible to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
as well
as providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
health and maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ecological balance.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes. Should these new homes be constructed in existing cities or should new towns be built in the countryside? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
420 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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