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Teenagers should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Teenagers should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. v. 3
Many individuals argue that children between the ages of thirteen to nineteen should be restricted from using smart phones in academic institutions. I absolutely agree because the usage of such devices could cause serious distractions as well as a reduction in creativity in them. This essay will explain these with relevant examples. To start with, when teenagers are permitted to use mobile phones in school, they could be easily distracted from their academic work. Almost all mobile phones have inbuilt games which many of them find interesting and addictive automatically distracting them from their main work in class. For example, a recent newspaper reported that the Sudanese government has banned students in secondary school from using any smart device. It was initially thought to help them on their studies and grades, but there has been a steady drop in their overall performance. Therefore, authorizing the use of phones in the learning environment could create the problem of distraction rather than improving course grades Additionally, the use of these computerized gadgets can lead to poor or less creativity in these groups of children. Total dependence on these devices makes them less likely to stimulate their cognitive and reasoning abilities since all the answers required are present on the internet. For instance, nowadays many teachers complain that some students are fond of plagiarizing peoples work from the internet instead of using the thinking faculties of their brains. This means that overall reliance on mobile phones by teenagers would lessen their chances of being innovative. In conclusion, while many believe that children in their teenage years should be prohibited from utilizing smart devices at academic institutions, I completely agree, since it could lead to them being distracted in class and also dampen their creative abilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
individuals argue that children between the ages of thirteen to nineteen should
be restricted
from using smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in academic institutions. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the usage of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
could cause serious distractions
as well
as a reduction in creativity in them. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
these with relevant examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are permitted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in school, they could be
easily
distracted from their academic work. Almost all mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have inbuilt games which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them find interesting and addictive
automatically
distracting them from their main work in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
For example
, a recent newspaper reported that the Sudanese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has banned students in secondary school from using any smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
. It was
initially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them on their studies and grades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there has been a steady drop in their
overall
performance.
Therefore
, authorizing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in the learning environment could create the problem of distraction
rather
than improving course grades

Additionally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these computerized gadgets can lead to poor or less creativity in these groups of children. Total dependence on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them less likely to stimulate their cognitive and reasoning abilities since all the answers required are present on the internet.
For instance
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
teachers complain that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
students are fond of plagiarizing peoples work from the internet
instead
of using the thinking faculties of their brains. This means that
overall
reliance on mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
would lessen their chances of being innovative.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that children in their teenage years should
be prohibited
from utilizing smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
at academic institutions, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, since it could lead to them
being distracted
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and
also
dampen their creative abilities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Teenagers should not be allowed to use mobile phones at school. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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