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Teenagers are spending an increasing amount of time on the internet, and this is having a negative effect on their social skills. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Teenagers are spending an increasing amount of time on the internet, and this is having a negative effect on their social skills. v. 1
It is commonly believed by most people that the highly increase amount of time on the website or mobile by children can deteriorate their relationship with family and friends. While some people think that technology can benefit when it used as the tools to improve communication skills for adolescents. In my opinion, I agree that online platforms will have the positive impact to children for improving their social skills. First, many parents may concern that their children keep access social media or internet for the objective of playing games or entertainment only; however, most of the popular online website, namely Facebook and Twitter can be used by a teenager for the reason of education which has advantageous than disadvantageous. For instance, many children, who want to apply for university in the UK, will create the group chat in Facebook where they meet many other new friends who have the same interest on a similar study field in the undergraduate degree. Therefore, those teenagers can exchange knowledge and updated news about their future faculty as well as help each other on tutoring. As a result, this kind of educational sharing purpose on the online group helps teenagers to know new friends who have common interest but in the their immediate circle of their current society. Second, online platforms also helps adolescent to improve ability to build and maintain relationships with friends and strangers. For example, teenagers can easily having new friends by adding follower in the Instangram even with the person whom they have never met before. Furthermore, they are forced to find the most effective way to create and maintain relationship with their followers, otherwise, some of their new friends might unfollow them. In addition, they also have to active their social life through the social platform such as live video or Instargram story and this situation assists the children to practise their soft skills such as communication skills which will benefit when they become an adult. In conclusion, although the internet has a negative effect if children use it for the reason of non-education and gaming. From the advantageous above that I already mentioned, social media platform also benefits young people to improve their communication skills and meet new people who have the same interest for the educational purpose.
It is
commonly
believed by most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the
highly
increase amount of time on the website or mobile by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can deteriorate their relationship with family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that technology can benefit when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as the tools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for adolescents. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
will have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents may concern that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media or internet for the objective of playing games or entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
;
however
, most of the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
website,
namely
Facebook and Twitter can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
for the reason of education which has advantageous than disadvantageous.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to apply for university in the UK, will create the group chat
The usual collocation for "Facebook" is "on". Did you mean "on Facebook"?
in Facebook
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have the same interest on a similar study field in the undergraduate degree.
Therefore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can exchange knowledge and updated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about their future faculty
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other on tutoring.
As a result
, this kind of educational sharing purpose on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have common interest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "their immediate" or "the immediate"?
the their immediate
circle of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
society.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
adolescent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
ability to build and maintain relationships with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and strangers.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can
easily
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
by adding follower in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Instangram
even with the person whom they have never met
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Furthermore
, they
are forced
to find the most effective way to create and maintain relationship with their followers,
otherwise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
might unfollow them.
In addition
, they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
active their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life through the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
video or
Possible spelling mistake found.
Instargram
story and this situation assists the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
their soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which will benefit when they become an adult.

In conclusion
, although the internet has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for the reason of non-education and gaming. From the advantageous above that I already mentioned,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platform
also
benefits young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have the same interest for the educational purpose.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Teenagers are spending an increasing amount of time on the internet, and this is having a negative effect on their social skills. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
380 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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