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Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? v.1

Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. v. 1
Museums and art exhibits have long been at the forefront of preserving and representing cultural values and histories, being utilized by almost all countries throughout the centuries. However, whether they should mainly represent local cultures or display an international collection is open to dispute. I personally believe that traditional museums should focus on outlining the cultural aspects and artworks of the country while having separate museums with items from other countries does not hurt the national feeling. Educating people about the history and traditions of a country is the primary reason we have museums in the first place. They conserve important cultural specimens, artefacts, artworks and other items to boast about our past and help researchers dig deeper into history. Such museums, which primarily signify our tradition, should comprise things we, as a nation, can be more proud of, rather than having internationally acclaimed artworks or sculptures. For instance, many national museums in Europe solely focus on preserving artefacts and artworks from the country and they are quite popular among international tourists. Having said that, the concept of a museum, in the modern era, has changed to a great extent. We now have aviation museums, war memorials, motor museums, computer museums, archaeological museums and the list goes on. To make these types of museum popular and useful, we have to have international collections. For instance, the Motor Museum in Australia has a collection from more than 20 countries and they serve their purpose just fine. Museums with international compilation often attract tourists and can be a great way to promote tourism. To conclude, national and traditional museums should focus on nurturing national history and heritage, but we also need museums with international collections to make it more functional and famous. One does not necessarily diminish the necessity and usefulness of the other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
and art exhibits have long been at the forefront of preserving and representing cultural values and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
histories
,
being utilized
by almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
throughout the centuries.
However
, whether they should
mainly
represent local cultures or display an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collection
is open to dispute. I
personally
believe that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should focus on outlining the cultural aspects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
while having separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
with items from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
does not hurt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
feeling.

Educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and traditions of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the primary reason we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in the
first
place. They conserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cultural specimens,
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
and other items to boast about our past and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
researchers dig deeper into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, which
primarily
signify our tradition, should comprise things we, as a nation, can be more proud of,
rather
than having
internationally
acclaimed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
or sculptures.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in Europe
solely
focus on preserving
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artworks
from the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
they are quite popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tourists.

Having said that, the concept of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, in the modern era, has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to a great extent. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have aviation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, war memorials, motor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, archaeological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and the list goes on. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
popular and useful, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collections
.
For instance
, the Motor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
in Australia has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collection
from more than 20
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
they serve their purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fine.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
compilation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
attract tourists and can be a great way to promote tourism.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should focus on nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and heritage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
also
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
collections
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it more functional and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
. One does not
necessarily
diminish the necessity and usefulness of the other.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Technology has made children less creative than they were in the past. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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