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Teachers in different countries get different payments and many people say that teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. v.2

Teachers in different countries get different payments and many people say that teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. v. 2
Education is perhaps the most important aspect of a nation's development and teachers play a crucial role in ensuring the quality education in a school. I have to disagree with the statement that teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support my opinion. First of all, students in a class are different and they do not have  the similar ability to learn and understand the given lectures. Some students have to spend many hours studying a subject while others can do that quickly. Second, students have different goals in attending schools. Some students want to gain more knowledge and experience that will help them in the future to succeed and make a great career. Others are forced to go to a school by their parents, so, basically, they do not care about their grades and studying and this might be true due to the age they attend the schools as well. I think that penalising or rewarding teachers depending on how much their students have learnt is not fair. However, I believe that evaluation of teachers by their students does make sense. Teachers who get high grades from their students deserve to be rewarded financially or otherwise. On the contrary, teachers who get low grades must be sanctioned by the authority and motivated in other ways to do even better. This will force teachers to constantly improve their knowledge to get a higher salary and simultaneously will improve the learning process. Regular training for teachers is another good way to enhance their teaching skills. Students will have the opportunity to have the best teachers and get more interesting and comprehensive lectures this way. To draw the conclusion, from my everyday experience and observation, I can say that the quality of the lectures given by the teachers often does not reflect how much a student learn or wants to learn. This is why adopting the payment policy based on student's learning is not a good idea.
Education is perhaps the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of a nation's development and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play a crucial role in ensuring the quality education in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
disagree with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should
be paid
according to how much their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
. In the following paragraphs, I will give my reasons to support my opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
different and
they do not have
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the similar ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
and understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
lectures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours studying a subject while others can do that
quickly
. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
goals in attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to gain more knowledge and experience that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future to succeed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great career. Others
are forced
to go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
by their parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
basically
, they do not care about their grades and studying and this might be true due to the age they attend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as well
.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
Possible spelling mistake. 'penalising' is British English.
penalising
or rewarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
depending on how much their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
.
However
, I believe that evaluation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teachers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high grades from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
deserve to
be rewarded
financially
or
otherwise
.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
low grades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be sanctioned
by the authority and motivated in other ways to do even better. This will force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a higher salary and
simultaneously
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the learning process. Regular training for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to enhance their teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will have the opportunity to have the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more interesting and comprehensive lectures this way.

To draw the conclusion, from my everyday experience and observation, I can say that the quality of the lectures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
does not reflect how much a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
or wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
. This is why adopting the payment policy based on student's learning is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Teachers in different countries get different payments and many people say that teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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