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Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people’s lives. v.2

Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people’s lives. v. 2
The invention of the automobile is undoubtedly one of the humankind's greatest inventions. It had a great impact on people's lives. For several reasons that will be mentioned bellow, I think that the invention of the automobile dramatically changed the way people lived before. First of all, automobile allowed people to move faster from one place to another. This in one's turn dramatically increased people's life pace. The distance was no longer of that importance. It was a new means of communication. Second of all, nowadays it is rather difficult to imagine life without a car. People can not do virtually anything without a car. Just imagine for a moment that one does not have a car. One needs to go an office, get a haircut, buy some food, watch a movie, meet one's friend, etc. To get all these done he uses a car to move fast from one place to another. In addition, people can travel using their own vehicle. It is great because one can travel independently, without any train schedules. Finally, I think that the invention of the automobile was inescapable. People could not continue using trains and horses to meet their life requirements. Moreover, just imagine for a moment how many horses people would need nowadays. I think we would talk about horse overpopulation as well as human overpopulation. Unfortunately, the invention of the automobile has some negative aspects. The most obvious aspect of this is the road accident. Many people every day suffer from different injuries. Also, with the invention of the automobile humankind came across with a problem of air pollution. A huge amount of cars every day throws out many poisonous matters in the air. I believe that soon we all will be able to exchange our cars for those, which use sun energy instead of fuel.
The invention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobile
is
undoubtedly
one of the humankind's greatest inventions. It had a great impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. For several reasons that will
be mentioned
bellow, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the invention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobile
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
faster from one place to another. This in one's turn
dramatically
increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life pace. The distance was no longer of that importance. It was a new means of communication. Second of all, nowadays it is
rather
difficult to imagine life without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can not do
virtually
anything without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine for a moment that one does not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. One needs to go an office,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a haircut,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
one's friend, etc. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
all these done he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
from one place to another.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can travel using their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
vehicle. It is great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one can travel
independently
, without any train schedules.
Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the invention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobile
was inescapable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
could not continue using trains and horses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their life requirements.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
imagine for a moment how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
horses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would need nowadays. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we would talk about horse overpopulation
as well
as human overpopulation.

Unfortunately, the invention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobile
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects. The most obvious aspect of this is the road accident.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
every day suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
injuries.
Also
, with the invention of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobile
humankind came across with a problem of air pollution. A huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
every day throws out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poisonous matters in the air. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
we all will be able to exchange our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
for those, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
sun energy
instead
of fuel.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people’s lives. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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