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Task 2: The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem? v.2

Task 2: The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2
It is widely acknowledged that natural environment in many parts of the world suffers from various detrimental effects which is attributed to human activities especially the mass production of goods. Personally, I wholly believe that both the government and corporations have to figure out some optimal solutions to cope with this debatable issue together. There are two prime reasons why the growth of the consumer goods industry is related to environmental degradation. First of all, the expansion of industrial regions which leads to the indiscriminate deforestation has become a controversial issue in many developing countries nowadays. A considerable amount of natural habitats is destroyed, thereby making wildlife animals frustrated. Secondly, these factories will release a significant amount of emissions and waste into atmosphere and it can exert an adverse influence on environment. For example, in Beijing the development of industrial zones has facilitated the vigorous growth of social economy but it contributes to the recession of human environment such as air pollution, climate change and so on. Consequently, because of bad effects of production, many local people have to migrate to other countries. Several viable solution have to be implemented to mitigate the aforementioned issues. The local authorities may impose a strict tax on the amount of waste from the production process in each enterprise. There is no doubt that this measure can make an outstanding contribution to the improvement of natural environment. Furthermore, companies should have awareness and responsibility for environmental protection. For instant, they may integrate cutting-edge technologies into waste treatment before discharging into the environment. In conclusion, the production of consumer goods can pose a serious threat to natural ecosystem by large amount of waste from post-production process and deforestation. I believe that people should create more modern inventions to deal with this problem.
It is
widely
acknowledged that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world suffers from various detrimental effects which
is attributed
to human activities
especially
the mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Personally
, I wholly believe that both the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and corporations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
figure out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
optimal solutions to cope with this debatable issue together.

There are two prime reasons why the growth of the consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
industry
is related
to environmental degradation.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the expansion of industrial regions which leads to the indiscriminate deforestation has become a controversial issue in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
nowadays. A considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
habitats is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
, thereby making wildlife animals frustrated.
Secondly
, these factories will release a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of emissions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
into atmosphere and it can exert an adverse influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
For example
, in Beijing the development of industrial zones has facilitated the vigorous growth of social economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it contributes to the recession of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
such as air pollution, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
migrate to other countries.

Several viable solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be implemented
to mitigate the aforementioned issues. The local authorities may impose a strict tax on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
process in each enterprise. There is no doubt that this measure can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an outstanding contribution to the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should have awareness and responsibility for environmental protection. For instant, they may integrate cutting-edge technologies into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
treatment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
discharging into the environment.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
can pose a serious threat to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
ecosystem by large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
waste
from post-production process and deforestation. I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should create more modern inventions to deal with this problem.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Task 2: The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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