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Protecting environment is the responsibility of multinational organisations rather than the responsibility of each government. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

Protecting environment is the responsibility of multinational organisations rather than the responsibility of each government. v. 2
It is true that the ever severe environmental degradation is taking a heavy toll on people’s life. Although some state that international organisations, rather than national government, should shoulder the importance of multinational institutions nor local authorities can be disregarded. There is no doubt that multinational organisations have been playing an essential role in protecting and restoring our government. First of all, internationalised environmental organisations such as International Union for Conservation of Nature (IUCN) have more power than local governments in enforcing globalised environmental regulations and standards. This is because such institutions are always united by highly experienced professionals, who normally possess a bigger voice in their specialist fields. Additionally, the funds purposed on protecting local environment will be reasonably allocated to poor countries under the supervision of these organisations. For instant, the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) ensures the allocation of several million dollars every year to poverty countries like Kenya and Congo to support their environmental restoration programmes. Nevertheless, the significance of national governments in protecting environment also cannot be underestimated. To begin with, local authorities can stimulate manufacturers to employ greener and more efficient technologies by providing financial incentives like compensations and subsidies. With the introduction of these technologies into the product line, local environment will be tremendously improved. Furthermore, environmental laws also need to be legislated by local government. For example, through enabling the environmental protection act, the pollution released by industrial sector in China has been dramatically reduced. In conclusion, I agree with the idea that both multinational institutions and national governments are important in protecting the environment. Therefore, the responsibility should be shared equally between them.
It is true that the ever severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
degradation is taking a heavy toll on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
state that international
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
,
rather
than national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, should shoulder the importance of multinational institutions nor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
authorities can
be disregarded
.

There is no doubt that multinational
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
have been playing an essential role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protecting
and restoring our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'internationalised' is British English.
internationalised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
such as International Union for Conservation of Nature (
Possible spelling mistake found.
IUCN
) have more power than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in enforcing
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalised' is British English.
globalised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
regulations and standards. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such institutions are always united by
highly
experienced professionals, who
normally
possess a bigger voice in their specialist fields.
Additionally
, the funds purposed on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
will be
reasonably
allocated to poor countries under the supervision of these
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
. For instant, the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) ensures the allocation of several million dollars every year to poverty countries like Kenya and Congo to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
restoration
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.

Nevertheless
, the significance of national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
also
cannot
be underestimated
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
authorities can stimulate manufacturers to employ greener and more efficient technologies by providing financial incentives like compensations and subsidies. With the introduction of these technologies into the product line,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
will be
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
laws
also
need to
be legislated
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
For example
, through enabling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
protection act, the pollution released by industrial sector in China has been
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that both multinational institutions and national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protecting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
Therefore
, the responsibility should
be shared
equally
between them.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Protecting environment is the responsibility of multinational organisations rather than the responsibility of each government. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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