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Task 2: The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individual and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree and disagree? v.2

Task 2: The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individual and to the society they live in. v. 2
It is universally acknowledged that mobile devices play a vital role in modern lifestyle of humankind nowadays as a global phenomenon. However, there is no doubt that it also brings a tremendous amount of detrimental effects to both individuals and communal activities, I wholly agree with this opinion due to the variety of aspects will be discussed in the essay below. On the one hand, it is undeniable that the advents electric devices were a breakthrough in the history and there are two main advantages of this circumstance. First of all, these technologies have become the essential tools in daily lifestyle which foster the communication between people more frequently. Therefore, if people are in the hectic schedules at work or study, they are still more likely to connect with each other through it as an optimal way to strengthen the relationship between them. Secondly, electric devices are not only popular but they are also very convenient. For example, based on the superior benefits of smartphones, people ought to research for numerous information on the internet. As a result, they could broaden their horizons more and more easily. On the other hand, although handheld electronics are making an outstanding contribution to the advancement of mankind, there is still a dark side to this picture. Many people have a tendency to expose to the unorthodox information on the internet without selection especially children. Consequence, it may pose a negative threat to the public orientation. In addition, teenagers get addicted to the online games in order to unwind which is a controversial issue in recent years. Many researches assert that game addicts are likely to become criminals such as thefts, killers and so on, it is the prime reasons which lead to the vigorous growth of crime rate today. To conclude, in spite of the fact that handheld devices are really necessary, I strongly believe that there are lots of drawbacks that the authorities and individuals have to find some optimal solutions to deal with together.
It is
universally
acknowledged that mobile
devices
play a vital role in modern lifestyle of humankind nowadays as a global phenomenon.
However
, there is no doubt that it
also
brings a tremendous amount of detrimental effects to both individuals and communal activities, I wholly
agree
with this opinion due to the variety of aspects will
be discussed
in the essay below.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that the advents electric
devices
were a breakthrough in the history and there are two main advantages of this circumstance.
First of all
, these technologies have become the essential tools in daily lifestyle which foster the communication between
people
more
frequently
.
Therefore
, if
people
are in the hectic schedules at work or study, they are
still
more likely to connect with each other through it as an optimal way to strengthen the relationship between them.
Secondly
, electric
devices
are not
only
popular
but
they are
also
very
convenient.
For example
, based on the superior benefits of smartphones,
people
ought to research for numerous information on the internet.
As a result
, they could broaden their horizons more and more
easily
.

On the other hand
, although handheld electronics are making an outstanding contribution to the advancement of mankind, there is
still
a dark side to this picture.
Many
people
have a tendency to expose to the unorthodox information on the internet without selection
especially
children. Consequence, it may pose a
negative
threat to the public orientation.
In addition
,
teenagers
get
addicted to the online games in order to unwind which is a controversial issue in recent years.
Many
researches assert that game addicts are likely to become criminals such as thefts, killers and
so
on, it is the prime reasons which lead to the vigorous growth of crime rate
today
.

To conclude
,
in spite of
the fact that handheld
devices
are
really
necessary, I
strongly
believe that there are lots of drawbacks that the authorities and individuals
have to
find
some
optimal solutions to deal with together.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Task 2: The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individual and to the society they live in. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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