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Express your opinion about how modernism can affect our health. what can the government do to overcome such circumstances? Discuss. v.2

Express your opinion about how modernism can affect our health. what can the government do to overcome such circumstances? Discuss. v. 2
Gone are the days when people used to long walks on feet, muscular jobs at fields and many more physical activities. In today' s era where modernism drew each and everything to its lap those effects human beings in both ways positive and negative. Tn this essay, I shall discuss the pros and cons of this modernism with my own opinion and share the ideas what can a government do to eradicate this nightmare. On the positive side, the new fast era is making our life so quick, easy, and comfortable with new inventions. For instance, we are now used to phones, cars and many other household things which provide a comfortable lifestyle. However, such things are having more bad effects on our life. For example, nowadays, a major section of our society is lazy, dull, and suffering many life-threatening diseases. This is negative progress as we are living in such a bad lifestyle. To plunge this nightmare, a government can introduce a bunch of effective measures with the help of local people and their community. To prove this, the government of the nation can create a law or start a campaign which bans the smartphones, motorbikes in the secondary level schools and motivate students to focus on more physical activities rather than wasting their precious time on phones and roaming on bikes. Furthermore, the government can provide more playground and create physical obstacles in order to achieve a job instead of online stuff that makes students lazy, couch-potato and hurt their back and eyes. I think, no doubt modernism has changed our lifestyle to quick, and comfortable but we cannot turn a blind eye on its bad impact. People and the government must secure such steps towards its harmful effects now and create valuable opportunities for our loving society in order to protect this generation as well as our future.
Gone
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "is".
are
the days when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to long walks on feet, muscular jobs at fields and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more physical activities. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s era where modernism drew each and everything to its lap those effects human beings in both ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. Tn this essay, I shall discuss the pros and cons of this modernism with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion and share the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
what can a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
do to eradicate this nightmare.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, the new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
era is making our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
quick, easy, and comfortable with new inventions.
For instance
, we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to phones, cars and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other household things which provide a comfortable lifestyle.
However
, such things are having more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on our life.
For example
, nowadays, a major section of our society is lazy, dull, and suffering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
life-threatening diseases. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
progress as we are living in such a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
lifestyle.

To plunge this nightmare, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can introduce a bunch of effective measures with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and their community. To prove this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
of the nation can create a law or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a campaign which bans the smartphones, motorbikes in the secondary level schools and motivate students to focus on more physical activities
rather
than wasting their precious time on phones and roaming on bikes.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can provide more playground and create physical obstacles in order to achieve a job
instead
of online stuff that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
students lazy, couch-potato and hurt their back and eyes.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, no doubt modernism has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our lifestyle to quick, and comfortable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we cannot turn a blind eye on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
secure such steps towards its harmful effects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and create valuable opportunities for our loving society in order to protect this generation
as well
as our future.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Express your opinion about how modernism can affect our health. what can the government do to overcome such circumstances? Discuss. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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