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The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

3. The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices are harmful to individual and to the socity they live in. v. 2
Nowadays, handheld devices such as mobile phones are commonly used by people, especially by young persons. Some say that the entertainment that these devices have may be harmful to them or for the society they live in, but personally, I do not agree with that. So, does it really do a bad influence on people? On the one hand, it is widely known that young people, children in particular use their mobile phones or other handheld devices merely for games or watching videos. This involves some social problems and changes their mind making them more aggressive and violent. There were numerous examples in my home town’s school, and this is the number one problem in it now. Moreover, pupils are less successful in school which makes fewer chances in future life. On the other hand, entertainments are not only using for bad purposes but also has a positive effect on individuals. In fact, a lot of schools integrate devices in their educational system using different numbers of apps trying to help pupils become more successful. However, this is not only used by young persons but by adults as well. It helps us to relax after a long working day or spend our free time with our friends playing some on-line games. Moreover, some apps can teach us, for example, playing some musical instruments or foreign languages which will develop our personality. To conclude, I personally believe that the advantages of entertainment on our handheld devices outweigh disadvantages and the right use can help in many ways.
Nowadays, handheld
devices
such as mobile phones are
commonly
used
by
people
,
especially
by young persons.
Some
say that the entertainment that these
devices
have may be harmful to them or for the society they
live
in,
but
personally
, I do not
agree
with that.
So
, does it
really
do a
bad
influence on
people
?

On the one hand, it is
widely
known that young
people
, children
in particular
use
their mobile phones or other handheld
devices
merely
for games or watching videos. This involves
some
social problems and
changes
their mind making them more aggressive and violent. There were numerous examples in my home town’s school, and this is the number one problem in it
now
.
Moreover
, pupils are less successful in school which
makes
fewer chances in future life.

On the other hand
, entertainments are not
only
using for
bad
purposes
but
also
has a
positive
effect on individuals. In fact,
a lot of
schools integrate
devices
in their educational system using
different
numbers of apps trying to
help
pupils become more successful.
However
, this is not
only
used
by young persons
but
by adults
as well
. It
helps
us to relax after a long working day or spend our free time with our friends playing
some
on-line games.
Moreover
,
some
apps can teach us,
for example
, playing
some
musical instruments or foreign languages which will develop our personality.

To conclude
, I
personally
believe that the advantages of entertainment on our handheld
devices
outweigh disadvantages and the right
use
can
help
in
many
ways.
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To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay The availability of entertainment such as video games on handheld devices is harmful to individuals and to the society they live in.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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