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Task 2- Some college students like to spend their free time studying another course or doing schoolwork. Others like to join a club or do extracurricular activities. What do you think? Please explain your reasons. v.1

Task 2- Some college students like to spend their free time studying another course or doing schoolwork. Others like to join a club or do extracurricular activities. What do you think? Please explain your reasons. v. 1
Having a good manner and being respectful of others are both critical qualities in a human society. Some people say that children used to behave better in the past compared to now. This essay aims to discuss the causes of this issue and provide some possible solutions. One of the causes of this issue is decreased level of social interaction. Most of the children spend leisure time on their own after school, watching television and playing video games in these days, whereas they had more chance to spend time and engage in activities with adults in the past. This is partly because parents work longer hours and do not have enough time to discipline their children at home. In addition, grandparents and older adults within a community used to get involved in parenting in the past. As this is getting rare in the modern society, children have less opportunities to interact with their older generations, thus less chances of learning manners and how to respect others. There are several possible solutions to this issue. Firstly, teachers can take a role in disciplining pupils at school. Nonetheless, teachers are said to have less power in doing so recently owing to complaints from parents. It is understandable that parents are protective of their children, however, they both need to cooperate in teaching children how to behave. Secondly, children can participate in community services as a part of their school program. In this way, children will be responsible for their actions and thoughtful of others. For example, a study conducted in Japan identified that school children who engaged in community works are more likely to show respect to others in later life. In conclusion, children's level of manner and respectfulness to others might be decreasing due to a lack of social interaction in recent years. Both parents and school teachers should be involved in disciplining children, and some community works as a part of educational program might be beneficial.
Having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner and being respectful of others are both critical qualities in a human society.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to behave better in the past compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. This essay aims to discuss the causes of this issue and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions.

One of the causes of this issue
is decreased
level of social interaction. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend leisure time on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, watching television and playing video games in these days, whereas they had more chance to spend time and engage in activities with adults in the past. This is partly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
work longer hours and do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to discipline their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home.
In addition
, grandparents and older adults within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in parenting in the past. As this is getting rare in the modern society,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
opportunities to interact with their older generations,
thus
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun chances is countable.
less
chances of learning manners and how to respect others.

There are several possible solutions to this issue.
Firstly
, teachers can take a role in disciplining pupils at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Nonetheless, teachers
are said
to have less power in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
recently owing to complaints from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. It is understandable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are protective of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, they both need to cooperate in teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to behave.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
services as a part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
program. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be responsible for their actions and thoughtful of others.
For example
, a study conducted in Japan identified that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect to others in later life.

In conclusion
, children's level of manner and respectfulness to others might be decreasing due to a lack of social interaction in recent years. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
teachers should
be involved
in disciplining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
works as a part of educational program might be beneficial.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Task 2- Some college students like to spend their free time studying another course or doing schoolwork. Others like to join a club or do extracurricular activities. What do you think? Please explain your reasons. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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