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Some college students like to spend their free time studying another course or doing schoolwork. Others like to join a club and enjoy social activities. Which way do you think is better and why? v.1

Some college students like to spend their free time studying another course or doing schoolwork. Others like to join a club and enjoy social activities. Which way do you think is better and why? v. 1
The elderly in Britain are most times accommodated in a home with other people of their age to be cared for by professional nurses. While some people are of the opinion that these homes should be funded by the government, others believe that their families should be responsible for the cost of looking after them. In my opinion, the government should pay for their care. The reasons for my view will be discussed below. It is understandable why some people will say that the families of the elderly should pay for the care they receive at the old people's home. One common reason is that the aged will feel more loved to see their relatives have regard for them. This also makes them believe that they are not abandoned or left to be taken care of by complete strangers. For example, psychologists believe that when the aged are being taken care of by their blood relations, it prolongs their life span and forestall untimely death. Another reason why they believe that their children or siblings should shoulder the cost of running the home is to teach them that life is in cycles and they are obligated to care for them as they will attain such age later on in life. Invariably, it means that one good turn deserves another. However, I believe that this is too much burden on most homes because they are too busy with their life struggles as well. Admittedly, there are compelling reasons why the government should be responsible for all the expenses of the home for the elderly. Firstly, these elderly ones have become senior citizens of the country who have spent their youthful years to grow the economy of the country. Therefore, it is morally justifiable that the British government use their revenue to pay for the services rendered by the nurses to care for them. Secondly, the youths will have no fear of growing old. It gives them an assurance that the government will see to their welfare when they can no longer be active in service to the country. As a result, they put in more effort to see to the development of the nation while they are still young. For instance, economist defines a nation that adopts this method to its citizens as a developed nation. In conclusion, even though people may vary in their opinions on who should pay for the care offered to the aged in the accommodation provided to them in Britain, I believe that the government should take up this responsibility because they contributed positively to the development of the nation when they were younger and to inspire the current adults to do more for the nation, and provide assurance that they will be compensated for their hard work when they retire at old age.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
in Britain are most times accommodated in a home with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of their age to
be cared
for by professional nurses. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
should
be funded
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that their families should be responsible for the cost of looking after them. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for my view will
be discussed
below.

It is understandable why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will say that the families of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
they receive at the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's home. One common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the aged will feel more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their relatives have regard for them. This
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that they are not abandoned or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of by complete strangers.
For example
, psychologists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that when the aged are
being taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of by their blood relations, it prolongs their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
span and forestall
untimely
death. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that their children or siblings should shoulder the cost of running the home is to teach them that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cycles and
they
are obligated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for them as they will attain such age later on in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Invariably
, it means that one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
turn deserves another.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this is too much burden on most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are too busy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
struggles
as well
.

Admittedly
, there are compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be responsible for all the expenses of the home for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
ones have become senior citizens of the country who have spent their youthful years to grow the economy of the country.
Therefore
, it is
morally
justifiable that the British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their revenue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the services rendered by the nurses to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for them.
Secondly
, the youths will have no fear of growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. It gives them an assurance that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
to their welfare when they can no longer be active in service to the country.
As a result
, they put in more effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
to the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
while they are
still
young.
For instance
, economist defines a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
that adopts this method to its citizens as a developed nation.

In conclusion
,
even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinions on who should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
offered to the aged in the accommodation provided to them in Britain, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take up this responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they contributed
positively
to the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
when they were younger and to inspire the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
adults to do more for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, and provide assurance that they will
be compensated
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work when they retire at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some college students like to spend their free time studying another course or doing schoolwork. Others like to join a club and enjoy social activities. Which way do you think is better and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
468 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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