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Tourism is becoming a good source of revenue to many countries. Discuss the advantagesand disadvantages of exploiting this resource. v.2

Tourism is becoming a good source of revenue to many countries. Discuss the advantagesand disadvantages of exploiting this resource. v. 2
It is undoubtedly true that tourism is one of the most profitable industries in many countries especially the developing one. But it is hard to ignore the disadvantages tourism brings. The aim of this paper is to discuss about both benefit and drawback of this smokeless industry. There are merits of tourism, First of all, it solves the unemployment crisis. This smokeless industry provides jobs for the local and there is several new occupations associated with tourism such as tour guild or the travel accountant. Secondly, the tourism help preserve the culture heritage. It turn legacies into a lucrative business which makes money on restoration. Lastly, the tourism is eco-friendly. Tourists do not want to visit a pollutant place so the travel agencies take the responsiblity for conservation of ecosystem and resource management to make the destination more authentic and desirable Beside the advantages tourism brings, there is also many drawbacks. Firstly, the tourism may contain the risk of increasing social evils. Smugglers, Hijackers and other kind of criminals disguised as tourists to cross the customs. In the second place, the visitors cause the damage with things like pollution, forest fire or heritage destruction. The unconscious of one tourist can cause immeasurable danger. Last but not least is the loss of national cultural identity. Tourists from afar also bring a part of their culture with them and the local, especially youngsters, easily fascinated and forget about the national culture In conclusion, the tourism is have the benefit of job creation, heritage preservation and environment-friendly. Nevertheless, it may contain social evils, vandalism or national cultural loss
It is
undoubtedly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is one of the most profitable industries in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
especially
the developing one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "disadvantages'" or "disadvantage's"?
disadvantages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
brings. The aim of this paper is to
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
benefit and drawback of this smokeless industry.

There are merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it solves the unemployment crisis. This smokeless industry provides jobs for the local and there is several new occupations associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
such as tour guild or the travel accountant.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
preserve the culture heritage. It
Did you mean "turns"?
turn
legacies into a lucrative business which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
money on restoration.
Lastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is eco-friendly.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourists
do not want to visit a pollutant place
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the travel agencies take the
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
for conservation of ecosystem and resource management to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the destination more authentic and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
desirable


Beside the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "advantages'" or "advantage's"?
advantages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
brings, there is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
may contain the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of increasing social evils. Smugglers, Hijackers and other kind of criminals disguised as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
to cross the customs. In the second place, the visitors cause the damage with things like pollution, forest fire or heritage destruction. The unconscious of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
can cause immeasurable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least is the loss of national cultural identity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Tourists
from afar
also
bring a part of their culture with them and the local,
especially
youngsters,
easily
fascinated and forget about the national
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
culture


In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
the benefit of job creation, heritage preservation and environment-friendly.
Nevertheless
, it may contain social evils, vandalism or national cultural loss
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Tourism is becoming a good source of revenue to many countries. Discuss the advantagesand disadvantages of exploiting this resource. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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