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Task 1: What do you miss most about your home when you are away? Use special details in your explanation. v.1

Task 1: What do you miss most about your home when you are away? Use special details in your explanation. v. 1
Adolescents are thought to be unsuitable for vital positions in the government by some individuals. However, there are others who think the opposite to this point of view. Whether which side of this argument takes the victory, is a moot point. This essay agrees that young people is suited and will discuss both views. Receiving such a power at an early age of a person could place a country in a vulnerable position. Provided that most youngsters lack experience, it is common that they may make immature decisions that could be detrimental to a city, in the worst case possible, a whole country. If they have the right to make important decisions, it is a high chance that they will only consider the effect in a short-run, not a long and sustainable one. For example, a minor may understand the sufferings that his/her peers go through gained from schools, so he/she decided to make schools easier and more fun so that students could enjoy school without so much stress. Although this decision may bring them and their teachers a less stressful and more relaxing time, it is not favourable to the students’ future development as they will not be pushed hard to study which fails to cultivate talents. However, many disagree and feel that they would be a great fit in such position in the government. The pubescent ones have an imaginative and creative mind which is beneficial to innovation. A country cannot further evolve without the crucial role in innovation. The young ones are just the right piece for it. With them, it is possible to come up with brand new ideas to usher a brand new and convenient lifestyle provided it is appropriate. Moreover, juveniles are more optimistic and open-minded than adults. They can provide a more colourful and brighter environment for people instead of the dark society that people tend to get used to. For instance, buses could be redecorated, which anyone would like to see instead of the old boring ones. This simple change could actually make someone’s day. In conclusion, while the benefits for Youngers to be involved in critical decision-making enhances citizens’ life, some still feel that people should be wary of this choice and not allow juniors to make the wrong decision which could be fatal to a country’s development. However, as long as we are careful to keep in mind that they are still young and they still have a long way to become better at his/her role, I believe a brighter future awaits us. A person’s ability should not be restricted by age, anyone can do anything as long as they try their hardest. So why reject them from entering such a position?
Adolescents are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be unsuitable for vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals.
However
, there are others who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the opposite to this point of view. Whether which side of this argument takes the victory, is a moot point. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
suited and will discuss both views.

Receiving such a power at an early age of a person could place a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in a vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
. Provided that most youngsters lack experience, it is common that they may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
immature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
that could be detrimental to a city, in the worst case possible, a whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. If they have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
, it is a high chance that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consider the effect in a short-run, not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
and sustainable one.
For example
, a minor may understand the sufferings that his/her peers go through gained from schools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he/she decided to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
schools easier and more fun
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students could enjoy school without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. Although this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
may bring them and their teachers a less stressful and more relaxing time, it is not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to the students’ future development as they will not
be pushed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to study which fails to cultivate talents.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disagree and feel that they would be a great fit in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. The pubescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
have an imaginative and creative mind which is beneficial to innovation. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
cannot
further
evolve without the crucial role in innovation. The young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the right piece for it. With them, it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to usher a brand new and convenient lifestyle provided it is appropriate.
Moreover
, juveniles are more optimistic and open-minded than adults. They can provide a more
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
and brighter environment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of the dark society that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to.
For instance
, buses could
be redecorated
, which anyone would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
instead
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. This simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
could actually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
someone’s day.

In conclusion
, while the benefits for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Youngers
to
be involved
in critical decision-making enhances citizens’ life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
still
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be wary of this choice and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
juniors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
which could be fatal to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development.
However
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
as we are careful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in mind that they are
still
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
young and
they
still
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
way to become better at his/her role, I believe a brighter future awaits us. A person’s ability should not
be restricted
by age, anyone can do anything as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
as they try their hardest.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
why reject them from entering such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
?
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Task 1: What do you miss most about your home when you are away? Use special details in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
452 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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