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Differences between countries are becoming less evident nowadays. People tend to have the same films, music, bands, TV channels, etc. To what extent do you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages? v.1

Differences between countries are becoming less evident nowadays. People tend to have the same films, music, bands, TV channels, etc. v. 1
Nowadays, the upbringing of children is a debatable issue. However, while some people think only parents can do better nurturing of their offspring, I am with those who hold the opinion that it is best if the children should be brought up in the shade of grandparents and parents as well. On the one hand, it could be thought that no one can do a good upbringing as guardians do. As it is often believed that children might be spoiled with the excess love rendered by their grandparents because of this reason parents would like to control their children accordingly. For instance, if a child does not get his demands fulfilled by parents, undoubtedly, he will go to other family members who love them unconditionally to meet his demand. As a result, children could no longer value that thing and come up with habits like a stubborn and intensely brat. On the other hand, I would argue that integrating family is crucial to raise juvenile. Since different family members possess a different quality which would be beneficial for a child if he raises such a joint family of grandparents, uncles and aunts. Furthermore, due to the competitive era, driving home on a single salary is not possible and therefore, husband and wife both have to work to have a standard life. Consequently, children living end up alone at home, which might lead a child to severe depression. On the contrast, if grandparents would be there to nurture a child, they felt energetic and lively. In conclusion, although a child could avoid pestering things if raised in a nuclear family, he would be no longer feel depressed in a solidarity family and can live life happily and blissfully. Therefore, on balance, I believe that children should be raised by a joint family of grandparents, uncle and aunt.
Nowadays, the upbringing of
children
is a debatable issue.
However
, while
some
people
think
only
parents
can do better nurturing of their offspring, I am with those who hold the opinion that it is best if the
children
should
be brought
up in the shade of
grandparents
and
parents
as well
.

On the one hand, it could be
thought
that no one can do a
good
upbringing as guardians do.
As
it is
often
believed that
children
might
be spoiled
with the excess
love
rendered by their
grandparents
because of this
reason
parents
would like to control their
children
accordingly
.
For instance
, if a
child
does not
get
his demands fulfilled by
parents
,
undoubtedly
, he will go to other
family
members who
love
them
unconditionally
to
meet
his demand.
As a result
,
children
could no longer value that thing and
come
up with habits like a stubborn and
intensely
brat.

On the other hand
, I would argue that integrating
family
is crucial to raise juvenile. Since
different
family
members possess a
different
quality which would be beneficial for a
child
if he raises such a joint
family
of
grandparents
, uncles and aunts.
Furthermore
, due to the competitive era, driving home on a single salary is not possible and
therefore
, husband and wife both
have to
work to have a standard life.
Consequently
,
children
living
end
up alone at home, which might lead a
child
to severe depression. On the contrast, if
grandparents
would be there to nurture a
child
, they felt energetic and lively.

In conclusion
, although a
child
could avoid pestering things if raised in a nuclear
family
, he would be no longer feel depressed in a solidarity
family
and can
live
life
happily
and
blissfully
.
Therefore
, on balance, I believe that
children
should
be raised
by a joint
family
of
grandparents
, uncle and aunt.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Differences between countries are becoming less evident nowadays. People tend to have the same films, music, bands, TV channels, etc. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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