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Talk about an instructor who has made an impact on your life and why. Use details and examples to support your response. v.1

Talk about an instructor who has made an impact on your life and why. Use details and examples to support your response. v. 1
The youngster's are considered as the future of any country. In today's world, certain countries have a high adult ratio in comparison to older people. This does require the government to create infrastructure which is a negative, but I tend to agree with the former part of the argument as more adult people helps in building the nation. The most significant disadvantage of rising teenage population is the need for infrastructure. In other words, institutes and sports facilities are required to cope up with rising population, so that they can have basic education and sufficient space to play. This would be a burden for the government as it would require a great amount of investments. To illustrate this, twenty years after the world war II, world saw a rise in young population and most of the countries were lacking infrastructure. Therefore, the competition was at its peak, and most of the population around the world stayed illiterate. Mostly because the authorities were unable to predict it. On the other hand, the young population plays a very important role in today's world. Countries with more adult people means more people in different field, including army, information technology and businesses. This creates a perfect background for a country to rise in all departments. Also, when more people are working, a significant amount of tax is generated. For example, taxes generated in the USA is 35% more, in contrast, to Canada. It is because, the USA has a lot more adult population in comparison to Canada and have to pay less pension, as it has a lower percentage of older people. In conclusion, despite rising youngsters may need better infrastructure and hospitality services. In my opinion, more young people mean, a strong foundation for a rising country and sufficient manpower to support the economy of the nation as well.
The
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
youngster's
are considered
as the future of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have a high adult ratio
in comparison
to older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This does require the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former part of the argument as more adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
helps
in building the nation.

The most significant disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rising
teenage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
is the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
.
In other words
, institutes and sports facilities
are required
to cope up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can have basic education and sufficient space to play. This would be a burden for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as it would require a great amount of investments. To illustrate this, twenty years after the
Capitalize specific historic events, episodes, and eras.
world war II
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a rise in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
were lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
.
Therefore
, the competition was at its peak, and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
stayed illiterate.
Mostly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the authorities were unable to predict it.

On the other hand
, the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
with more adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
means
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
field, including army, information technology and businesses. This creates a perfect background for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to rise in all departments.
Also
, when more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working, a significant amount of tax
is generated
.
For example
, taxes generated in the USA is 35% more,
in contrast
, to Canada. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the USA has a lot more adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
in comparison
to Canada and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay less pension, as it has a lower percentage of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rising
youngsters may need better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
infrastructure
and hospitality services. In my opinion, more young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mean, a strong foundation for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and sufficient manpower to support the economy of the nation
as well
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about an instructor who has made an impact on your life and why. Use details and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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