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Talk about an important national holiday in your home country. Describe itand explain why it is important. v.2

Talk about an important national holiday in your home country. Describe itand explain why it is important. v. 2
Home schooling is considered by some people the best way for a child to grow, while others think that attending an educational institution is vital for a kid. Even though, teaching children at hole can have some advantages, however, I totally agree with the fact that attending schools play an essential role in a child's life. On the one hand, home tutoring a kid can be beneficial during the child's development phase. Firstly, home schooling will guarantee that the child has the full attention of the instructor. In other words, comparing to a classroom teacher, a home tutor will give his full power to ensure that his student is grasping the maximum amount of educational information. Secondly, children who are home schooled are protected from the negative peer pressure and bullying. For instance, a child can build his personality and explore his interests freely without the fear from schoolmates judging. On the other hand, attending schools and meeting new people is also an essential aspect while children are still in their growing stages. To begin with, attending school does not only provide the education, but also teaches children important interpersonal skills such as communication, teamwork and how to engage properly in a society. Another benefit from enrolling in school is to learn appropriate methods to build friendships with the same age classmates that share similar interests. Hence, the school covers several aspects in order to prepare children for the real life. Finally, I believe that it is vital for a kid to attend school. To put it differently, it is commonly known that education plays a major role in an individual future plans, however, without experience taught during school days on how to behave smartly and be independent in a society, the person will have lower chances of being successful. For example, human resources nowadays evaluate a person characteristics like socializing and expressing feeling equally with his education for a job vacancy. In conclusion, the advantages of learning the right behaviour and to be prepared for the real life in schools outweigh the benefits of home schooling.
This word is normally spelled as one.
Home schooling
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
the best way for a child to grow, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that attending an educational institution is vital for a kid.
Even though
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at hole can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages,
however
, I
totally
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play an essential role in a child's life.

On the one hand, home tutoring a kid can be beneficial during the child's development phase.
Firstly
,
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
will guarantee that the child has the full attention of the instructor.
In other words
, comparing to a classroom teacher, a home tutor will give his full power to ensure that his student is grasping the maximum amount of educational information.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooled
are protected
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
peer pressure and bullying.
For instance
, a child can build his personality and explore his interests
freely
without the fear from schoolmates judging.

On the other hand
, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and meeting new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
also
an essential aspect while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
still
in their growing stages. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide the education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as communication, teamwork and how to engage
properly
in a society. Another benefit from enrolling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is to learn appropriate methods to build friendships with the same age classmates that share similar interests.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
covers several aspects in order to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the real life.

Finally
, I believe that it is vital for a kid to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. To put it
differently
, it is
commonly
known that education plays a major role in an individual future plans,
however
, without experience taught during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
days on how to behave
smartly
and be independent in a society, the person will have lower chances of being successful.
For example
, human resources nowadays evaluate a person characteristics like socializing and expressing feeling
equally
with his education for a job vacancy.

In conclusion
, the advantages of learning the right
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and to
be prepared
for the real life in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
outweigh the benefits of
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about an important national holiday in your home country. Describe itand explain why it is important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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