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Talk about an important national holiday in your home country. Describe it and explain why it is important. v.1

Talk about an important national holiday in your home country. Describe it and explain why it is important. v. 1
Nowadays, the changes on the way how children spend their leisure time due to the influences of novel technological developments has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although, this trend is not without disadvantages, the upsides will justify these. On the one hand, there are a number of major drawbacks when children spend too much time playing with technological devices. First, since children devote a large amount of their time to video games or screen time activities, they would have an adverse impact on their health. In fact, these games make them more likely to suffer from various health problems such as eye strain, short-sightedness or obesity, which leads to low academic achievement, self-distrust, and other similar issues. Second, by spending more time on online entertainment activities, present time kids are likely to allocate less time for other social activities. They tend to play electronic games or browse the Internet instead of hanging out with their peers, and this would lead to social isolation which seriously affects their later lives. On the other hand, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such disadvantages. Firstly, new technologies plays an important role in supporting kids enrich their knowledge and learn a wide range of valuable skills. For example, today’s children could simply access more information about animals and their natural habitats by watching discovery channel on their electronic devices, which helps promote their environmental consciousness. Second, if hi-tech gadgets are effectively used for positive purposes, they could stimulate children's creativity and imagination. This means that, new era kids would easily learn to conduct simple chemical or physical experiments by watching educational programmes like Minute Earth or Best of science, which makes them more eager to learn and discover new things. In conclusion, I would argue that the appearance of new technological improvements brings more benefits than drawbacks.
Nowadays, the
changes
on the way how
children
spend their leisure
time
due to the influences of novel technological developments has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although, this trend is not without disadvantages, the upsides will justify these.

On the one hand, there are a number of major drawbacks when
children
spend too much
time
playing with technological devices.
First
, since
children
devote a large amount of their
time
to video games or screen
time
activities, they would have an adverse impact on their health. In fact, these games
make
them more likely to suffer from various health problems such as eye strain,
short-sightedness
or obesity, which leads to low academic achievement, self-distrust, and other similar issues. Second, by spending more
time
on online entertainment activities, present
time
kids are likely to allocate less
time
for other social activities. They tend to play electronic games or browse the Internet
instead
of hanging out with their peers, and this would lead to social isolation which
seriously
affects their later
lives
.

On the other hand
, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such disadvantages.
Firstly
,
new
technologies plays an
important
role in supporting kids enrich their knowledge and learn a wide range of valuable
skills
.
For example
,
today
’s
children
could
simply
access more information about animals and their natural habitats by watching discovery channel on their electronic devices, which
helps
promote their environmental consciousness. Second, if hi-tech gadgets are
effectively
used
for
positive
purposes, they could stimulate children's creativity and imagination. This means that,
new
era kids would
easily
learn to conduct simple chemical or physical experiments by watching educational
programmes
like Minute Earth or Best of science, which
makes
them more eager to learn and discover
new
things.

In conclusion
, I would argue that the appearance of
new
technological improvements brings more benefits than drawbacks.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about an important national holiday in your home country. Describe it and explain why it is important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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