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Talk about an important lesson you have learned from a family member. explain why it is so important. v.1

Talk about an important lesson you have learned from a family member. explain why it is so important. v. 1
Obesity has become an important problem nowadays. The incidence of fatal health conditions is becoming more common due to being fat. This essay will discuss two main causes of being obese. It will also suggest two main solutions to these issues. Sedentary lifestyle and bad diet, are the main reasons of being overweight. People have little to no physical activities these days which lead to less burning of fat. To double this up, the rate of eating fast and junk food has gone up adding further problems. According to a study conducted at Harvard University, Obesity is the number one cause of serious health problems like hypertension and diabetes. Therefore, people who spend most of the day sitting and poor nutrition can lead to morbid conditions from being big and heavy. Changing lifestyle and modifying diet can cure this problem. Walking for at least 30 minutes daily will decrease the amount of fat in your body. Alternating your eating habits and adding more proteins and carbohydrates instead of fat will further help solving this issue. For example, sportsmen are one of the fittest individuals in the world because of their eating habits and exercise, Hence, healthy food and a little physical activity can help decrease the growth of overweight people. In conclusion, vast numbers of people are at risk of critical diseases because of their weight problems. This essay discussed the two main causes being poor diet and sedentary routine. It also suggested the solutions to these are twofold: nutrition modification and changing your daily behaviour.
Obesity has become an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
nowadays. The incidence of fatal health conditions is becoming more common due to being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
. This essay will discuss two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
causes of being obese. It will
also
suggest two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
solutions to these issues.

Sedentary lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
diet, are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reasons of being overweight.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to no physical activities these days which lead to less burning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
. To double this up, the rate of eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and junk food has gone up adding
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. According to a study conducted at Harvard University, Obesity is the number one cause of serious health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like hypertension and diabetes.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who spend most of the day sitting and poor nutrition can lead to morbid conditions from being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
and heavy.

Changing lifestyle and modifying diet can cure this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. Walking for at least 30 minutes daily will decrease the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
in your body. Alternating your eating habits and adding more proteins and carbohydrates
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fat
will
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to solve" or "solve".
solving
this issue.
For example
, sportsmen are one of the fittest individuals in the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their eating habits and exercise,
Hence
, healthy food and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
physical activity can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
decrease the growth of overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, vast numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of critical diseases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This essay discussed the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
causes being poor diet and sedentary routine. It
also
suggested the solutions to these are twofold: nutrition modification and changing your daily
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about an important lesson you have learned from a family member. explain why it is so important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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