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Talk about an experience in your life that made you feel embarrassed. Describe it and say why it was embarrassing. v.1

Talk about an experience in your life that made you feel embarrassed. Describe it and say why it was embarrassing. v. 1
Recently, school leavers have a dilemma of moving to the next chapter of their lives. Some students prefer to further their studies by attending to university while others prefer to work immediately after graduating from school. Let us investigate the pro and cons of these options as it is a crucial life decision for them. Apparently, most teenagers opt to attend college or university as to get professional certificate as it is one of the main requirements of most professional occupations such as doctor, engineer and nurses. They will learn all the skills, theories and technique they need to acquire in order to obtain the career of their choice. Furthermore, going through university life, they will gain maturity to handle a difficult situation in the future. Although, enrolling university may cost a fortune and challenging at the same time, but it is rewarding. Meanwhile, some young adults venture working lifestyle right away after finishing school as they think it is a better way to gain experience of the real world. They have the benefit of saving money at an early age and obtained skills such as life skills and social skills that cannot learn in university. Moreover, they could venture further new path in business and potentially land in a multimillionaire job. Despite of that, it may limit the choice of career as they do not have certificates and some employers may trick them by giving them a low salary as they still young to notice it. In conclusion, it is their choice to decide which path is the best choice for them. In my view, going to university or college would be a better option as it would expand the job opportunity further as university already have programs to improve social skill and to prepare student for working life.
Recently,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
have a dilemma of moving to the
next
chapter of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
students prefer to
further
their studies by attending to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
while others prefer to work immediately after graduating from school.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us investigate the pro and cons of these options as it is a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
decision for them.

Apparently
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
opt to attend college or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
professional certificate as it is one of the main requirements of most professional occupations such as doctor, engineer and nurses. They will learn all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, theories and technique they need to acquire in order to obtain the career of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
.
Furthermore
, going through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they will gain maturity to handle a difficult situation in the future. Although, enrolling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
may cost a fortune and challenging at the same time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is rewarding.

Meanwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young adults venture working lifestyle right away after finishing school as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a better way to gain experience of the real world. They have the benefit of saving money at an early age and obtained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that cannot learn in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Moreover
, they could venture
further
new path in business and
potentially
land in a multimillionaire job.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
that, it may limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
of career as they do not have certificates and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers may trick them by giving them a low salary as they
still
young to notice it.

In conclusion
, it is their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
to decide which path is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
for them. In my view, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or college would be a better option as it would expand the job opportunity
further
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
already have programs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and to prepare student for working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Talk about an experience in your life that made you feel embarrassed. Describe it and say why it was embarrassing. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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