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Discuss the problems of the woman with respect to her conversation and the solutions proposed. v.1

Discuss the problems of the woman with respect to her conversation and the solutions proposed. v. 1
To live a longer life has been a dream for countless years. However, if this dream becomes a reality the government could face many problems in providing basic services. This essay will look at this problem and suggest how governments can manage a much larger population of older people in the future. The reality of people living longer is already with us in countries such as Japan. The Japanese live longer than any race on earth and already this is causing problems because it usually is left to the government to support older people after they retire from work. If people lived for one hundred and fifty years it would place great pressure on taxpayers. Also, in health and education services, governments would be forced to spend large amounts on hospitals and education services for the elderly. However, practical solutions to these problems could be found. Governments could increase the retirement age and encourage people to stay at work longer. This would mean that people contribute tax for a longer period of time and would make older people feel they are still contributing to society. Governments could build more specialist hospitals that only deal with older people and pay for higher education institutions that specialize in subjects that would interest older people. In conclusion, there are a number of steps that governments could take to manage a much larger older population, especially in the areas of welfare, health and education. Governments have an important responsibility to keep people healthy and occupied throughout their whole lives – even if they live for one hundred and fifty years.
To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
life has been a dream for countless years.
However
, if this dream becomes a reality the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in providing basic services. This essay will look at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and suggest how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can manage a much larger population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future.

The reality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
is already with us in countries such as Japan. The Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
than any race on earth and already this is causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
The adverb 'usually' is usually put after the verb 'is'.
usually is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
after they retire from work. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
for one hundred and fifty years it would place great pressure on taxpayers.
Also
, in health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
services,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
would
be forced
to spend large amounts on hospitals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
services for the elderly.

However
, practical solutions to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
could
be found
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
could increase the retirement age and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stay at work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
. This would mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contribute tax for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
period of time and would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel they are
still
contributing to society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
could build more specialist hospitals that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and pay for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
institutions that specialize in subjects that would interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, there are a number of steps that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
could take to manage a much larger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
population,
especially
in the areas of welfare, health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
healthy and occupied throughout their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
even if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
for one hundred and fifty years.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Discuss the problems of the woman with respect to her conversation and the solutions proposed. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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