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Talk about an event from the past that you would like to relieve. Describe the original event and say why you would like to relive it. v.1

Talk about an event from the past that you would like to relieve. Describe the original event and say why you would like to relive it. v. 1
Children learn what we team them whatever be the method of reading books or playing with them; however, it is believed by some people that parents are dissipating themselves and their young one's time by telling stories from novels for amusement and academics booklets are more beneficial. I personally disagree with the aforementioned nation that entertaining or adventurous comic is frittered away because kids need relaxation after hectic school day and I will prove my disagreement in following paragraphs. Let's begin by looking at first reason which will support my view. Although this is very crucial for parents to teach their toddlers about their coursework and studies because it will help child to pursue their exams whereas enjoying guides are also having their own importance which entertain the youngsters and help them in reducing stress and tension of the studies. Another explanation that a will holds up my opinion is that such pastime manual encourages school-goers to think creatively and differently. What I mean by this is that it broadens their horizons and they have the chance to increase their imagination power because most of the fledgling attract towards such publications as those characters seem to be quite charismatic that helps our offspring to develop their creativity. To illustrate, I have a 3 years age of daughter and she really likes to hear such stories and enjoys it a lot which is helping her in developing and growing. Therefore, I believe that funny-books are beneficial for children. In conclusion, it is taught by some people that comics books are wasteful for the children and they should be taught school books only. While, I vehemently opine that fun books are also very significant because by this child will develop creativity and alleviate their anxiety.
Children learn what we team them whatever be the method of reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or playing with them;
however
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that parents are dissipating themselves and their young one's time by telling stories from novels for amusement and academics booklets are more beneficial. I
personally
disagree with the aforementioned nation that entertaining or adventurous comic
is frittered
away
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
kids need relaxation after hectic school day and I will prove my disagreement in following paragraphs.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by looking at
first
reason which will support my view. Although this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial for parents to teach their toddlers about their coursework and studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
child to pursue their exams whereas enjoying guides are
also
having their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance which entertain the youngsters and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and tension of the studies.

Another explanation that a will holds up my opinion is that such pastime manual encourages school-goers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
creatively
and
differently
. What I mean by this is that it broadens their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
horizons and
they have the chance to increase their imagination power
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the fledgling attract towards such publications as those characters seem to be quite charismatic that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
our offspring to develop their creativity. To illustrate, I have a 3 years age of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
daughter and
she
really
likes to hear such stories and enjoys it a lot which is helping her in developing and growing.
Therefore
, I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
funny
-books are beneficial for children.

In conclusion
, it
is taught
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that comics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are wasteful for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they should
be taught
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. While, I
vehemently
opine that fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by this child will develop creativity and alleviate their anxiety.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about an event from the past that you would like to relieve. Describe the original event and say why you would like to relive it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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