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People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to tan any other factors. Do you agree or disagree with this statement. v.1

People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to tan any other factors. v. 1
Some people argue that age is the main factor that affect consumers' behaviour. However, from my perspective, I partly disagree with this idea. In this essay, I will prove it with explanations and examples. It is undeniable that shopping habits are significantly influenced by the maturity of the consumers. This is due to the fact that individuals have disparity in years often have dissimilarities in psychology. Youngsters, for example, they often want to show off so that they spend a huge amount of money on clothes and accessories. In contrast, adults who have married and had their own children, they tend to buy only the necessary products and save up for their families. Furthermore, the age has considerate impacts on the food people consume. I can be recognized that the old often choose healthy food, whereas the young often eat fast food such as fried chicken. On the other hand, along with the age group, factors related to finance and cultures play a vitally important role in consumers' decision when doing shopping. While rich people usually buy high-ends, which they believe one of the most well-qualified products, the poorer ones cannot afford these products and tend to consume low-ends, what meet their budget. In addition, individuals' shopping habits also depend on the cultures. In fashion, for an instant, American or European women like to buy sexy clothes. However, Asian ones often make purchases for clothes that cover their body up. In conclusion, although age group affects the consumer shopping behaviour considerately, I do believe others factors related to finance and cultures also have a significant influence on buyers' decisions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is the main factor that affect consumers'
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
However
, from my perspective, I partly disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In this essay, I will prove it with explanations and examples.

It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
habits are
significantly
influenced by the maturity of the consumers.
This is due to the fact that
individuals have disparity in years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
have dissimilarities in psychology. Youngsters,
for example
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they spend a huge amount of money on clothes and accessories.
In contrast
, adults who have married and had their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
children, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the necessary products and save up for their families.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
has considerate impacts on the food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consume. I can
be recognized
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
choose healthy food, whereas the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food such as fried chicken.

On the other hand
, along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group, factors related to finance and cultures play a
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in consumers' decision when doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. While rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
high-ends, which they believe one of the most well-qualified products, the poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
cannot afford these products and tend to consume low-ends, what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their budget.
In addition
, individuals'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
habits
also
depend on the cultures. In fashion, for an instant, American or European women like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
sexy clothes.
However
, Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
for clothes that cover their body up.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group affects the consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
considerately
, I do believe others factors related to finance and cultures
also
have a significant influence on buyers' decisions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to tan any other factors. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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