Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Talk about a foreign language that you know and how you learned it. Please say: - How exactly did you do it? - Where did you do it? - Did somebody help you in any way? v.1

Talk about a foreign language that you know and how you learned it. Please say: - How exactly did you do it? - Where did you do it? - Did somebody help you in any way? v. 1
Nowadays, more and more people are affected by health issues such as diabetes and heart disease which are linked to over-consumption of cheap, mass-produced food. Some people believe the only solution is to make fast food less affordable by taxing it highly. Despite the severity of the problem, I think this is quite wrong. Increasing the tax on fast food would unfairly penalise people and may not necessarily bring about the desired health benefits. First, fast food is about more than just nutrition. Many teenagers spend money on fast food not because they need to eat out, but because this is how they socialise. Fast-food restaurants provide a safe, convenient place for young people to meet friends. For another group, low-income families, fast food can provide an inexpensive treat for their children. Denying people a small pleasure in life could affect their social lives or happiness. Another important point is that if the reason for taxing fast food is to reduce obesity, it may be ineffective. It is true that fast food is high in sugar, salt and fat, all of which cause weight gain and are detrimental to our health. However, we also know that there are other factors which contribute to the risk of obesity, such as lack of exercise and inappropriate portion size. While home-cooked food is generally healthy, this is not always the case. I personally know a family that used to eat high fat, home-cooked food in enormous portions. They all suffered from health problems due to obesity. On the other hand, I do understand the point of view of those who say drastic action Is needed. If fast food were taxed and became expensive, people would be forced to seek out healthier options. In addition, food producers would have an incentive to provide healthier foods. However, there is likely to be resistance from consumers and producers who want to have a wider choice. To conclude, although imposing a higher tax on fast food could have some positive effects, these would be outweighed by the drawbacks. For one thing, some sectors of society would feel victimised, and there is also the fact that simply raising taxes would not result in a much healthier society. What we really need is greater awareness of diet and cheaper healthy food.
Nowadays, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues such as diabetes and heart disease which
are linked
to over-consumption of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
, mass-produced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
less affordable by taxing it
highly
. Despite the severity of the problem, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. Increasing the tax on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would
unfairly
Possible spelling mistake. 'penalise' is British English.
penalise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and may not
necessarily
bring about the desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
benefits.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is about more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
nutrition.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to eat out,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is how they
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
-food restaurants provide a safe, convenient place for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
friends. For another group, low-income families,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can provide an inexpensive treat for their children. Denying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
pleasure in life could affect their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
or happiness.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that if the reason for taxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
obesity, it may be ineffective. It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is high in sugar, salt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, all of which cause weight gain and are detrimental to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
, we
also
know that there are other factors which contribute to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity, such as lack of exercise and inappropriate portion size. While home-cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
generally
healthy, this is not always the case. I
personally
know a family that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to eat high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
, home-cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in enormous portions. They all suffered from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems due to obesity.

On the other hand
, I do understand the point of view of those who say drastic action
Is needed
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
were taxed
and became expensive,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
be forced
to seek out healthier options.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
producers would have an incentive to provide healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
However
, there is likely to be resistance from consumers and producers who want to have a wider choice.

To conclude
, although imposing a higher tax on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, these would
be outweighed
by the drawbacks. For one thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sectors of society would feel
Possible spelling mistake. 'victimised' is British English.
victimised
, and there is
also
the fact that
simply
raising taxes would not result in a much healthier society. What we
really
need is greater awareness of diet and cheaper healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Talk about a foreign language that you know and how you learned it. Please say: - How exactly did you do it? - Where did you do it? - Did somebody help you in any way? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
382 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts