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Talk about a person you admire and about something important that this person have taught you. Explain why it is important to you? v.1

Talk about a person you admire and about something important that this person have taught you. Explain why it is important to you? v. 1
Over the past few decades, technology has comprehensively occupied our lives, and have made it effortless rather convenient. Some people view technology as a blessing, since it is highly responsible for keeping thousands of people connected. While, others believe that it has adversely affected customs and values. I think the benefits of technology are more superior than its drawback. Undoubtedly, now there is hardly any field which is not technology-driven, be it cooking, cleaning, communication or many more. In the past, it was extremely difficult for workplaces to deliver their message to other overseas companies. But, now this process can take place in a blink of an eye with the help of an e-mail or fax. Furthermore, social networking websites has shortened the distance and have provided and an incredibly easy and economical way for its users’ to communicate with their loved ones via phone calls or video messages. For example, it was recently published in a local newspaper that it takes nanoseconds for an electronic-mail to be delivered from one computer to another. However, the ubiquity of technology has made it difficult for people to pursue their cultural values which is viewed by some as a major drawback. Social media plays a vital role to influence one’s mind, people now instantly follow trends related to clothing, lifestyle, makeup and many more. In addition, they fail to understand how such acts could drift them away from their cultural values and can lose identity. For instance, an American survey was conducted and it was found that due to the frequent use of media sites, languages can be intermixed and vocabulary can be changed, which poses risk to several languages. To sum up, technology serves humankind in the best possible and it’s advantages outweighs the disadvantages.
Over the past few decades,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
comprehensively
occupied our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, and have made it effortless
rather
convenient.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as a blessing, since it is
highly
responsible for keeping thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
connected. While, others believe that it has
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
customs and values. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are
The adjective 'more' is normally used with to and does not need 'more' (so called implicit comparative). Probably you need to write: "superior to".
more superior than
its drawback.

Undoubtedly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there is hardly any field which is not technology-driven, be it cooking, cleaning, communication or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. In the past, it was
extremely
difficult for workplaces to deliver their message to other overseas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
this process can take place in a blink of an eye with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of an e-mail or fax.
Furthermore
, social networking websites has shortened the distance and have provided and an
incredibly
easy and economical way for its users’ to communicate with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones via phone calls or video messages.
For example
, it was recently published in a local newspaper that it takes nanoseconds for an electronic-mail to
be delivered
from one computer to another.

However
, the ubiquity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made it difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to pursue their cultural values which
is viewed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
as a major drawback. Social media plays a vital role to influence one’s mind,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
instantly
follow trends related to clothing, lifestyle, makeup and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
In addition
, they fail to understand how such acts could drift them away from their cultural values and can lose identity.
For instance
, an American survey
was conducted
and it
was found
that due to the frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of media sites, languages can
be intermixed
and vocabulary can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, which poses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to several languages.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
serves humankind in the best possible and it’s advantages outweighs the disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about a person you admire and about something important that this person have taught you. Explain why it is important to you? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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