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Talk about a foreign movie that you liked. Please say- What was the movie? - When and where did you watch it? - Why did you like it? v.1

Talk about a foreign movie that you liked. Please say- What was the movie? - When and where did you watch it? - Why did you like it? v. 1
Young children's schooling has become a hot topic of present time. Many parents wish to send their offsprings to school at a quite early age and others oppose this mindset. Early child schooling can be discussed by both parties point of views. However, I am strongly against sending the young kids to school at a very young age as it affects their mental and physical health a lot. Parenting is one of the most difficult tasks in today's world. Generally, parents who want to send their young kids in schools usually do not have much time for their kids due to their professional commitments. Consequently, they send their young kids to school for learning. Namely, One of my friend's, was working long hours in office and also his wife use to work split shifts in a departmental store. They had one daughter who was three years old. Due to their exhaustive work schedule, they admitted her in day-boarding school. As a result of too much workload of school syllabus started affecting her mind and health that led her stay sick most of the times. On the contrary, Individuals who do not choose to send their young kids to school at a very young age, prefer to teach them in their own interesting way. They usually believe kids can learn more from playing the games. For instance, I know one of my friend's, who had two kids of age 3 and 4 years respectively. He allowed them to play all times and also teach them about what to learn from the games they usually play. Hence, these kids were more active and intelligent. Furthermore, they time they admitted in school, they performed much better as compare to other kids of the same age who started school in a very early age. To conclude, Children early age learning indeed plays an important role in their future life. Therefore, this decision must be taken by parents after careful study of their child behaviour. Furthermore, I highly recommend that parent should not send young children to school and let them learn by playing. Because, its human nature that they learn more from experience as compare to studying in schools.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
children's schooling has become a hot topic of present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at a quite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
oppose this mindset.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Early
child schooling can
be discussed
by both parties point of views.
However
, I am
strongly
against sending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as it affects their mental and physical health a lot.

Parenting is one of the most difficult tasks in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
usually
do not have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
due to their professional commitments.
Consequently
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for learning.
Namely
, One of my friend's, was working long hours in office and
also
his wife
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
work split shifts in a departmental store. They had one daughter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was three years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Due to their exhaustive work schedule, they admitted her in day-boarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
As a result
of too much workload of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
syllabus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
affecting her mind and health that led her stay sick
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
.

On the contrary
, Individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, prefer to teach them in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interesting way. They
usually
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more from playing the games.
For instance
, I know one of my friend's,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
3 and 4 years
respectively
. He
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
them to play all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
and
also
teach them about what to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from the games they
usually
play.
Hence
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
were more active and intelligent.
Furthermore
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they admitted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they performed much better as compare to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
of the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age.

To conclude
, Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
learning
indeed
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in their future life.
Therefore
, this decision
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
after careful study of their child
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Furthermore
, I
highly
recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
by playing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, its human nature that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more from experience as compare to studying in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Talk about a foreign movie that you liked. Please say- What was the movie? - When and where did you watch it? - Why did you like it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
365 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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