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Take a look at the graphics and complete the task. The charts show the qualities employers and employees think are important in job seekers. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Give rea v.2

Take a look at the graphics and complete the task. The charts show the qualities employers and employees think are important in job seekers.
These days, in this modern era, many people, adults and children alike, try their best to strike a work-life balance, but most of them tend to fail it. This essay will highlight some causes leading to this phenomenon and suggest several possible measures to get over it. To begin, there are a number of reasons why individuals do not succeed in balancing their work and lives. Firstly, modern parents nowadays have to work full-time due to the ambition for financial gain and the demands of their company. They even have to work on the weekends, hardly make time for their family. This results in the lack of communication and closeness between parents and children in a family, which can contribute to weakening family bonds. Secondly, school children, especially secondary and high school students, are forced to take extra classes after school day. Even if they are at home, they would have to deal with a huge amount of homework and assignments, and therefore they do not have conversations with their parents and siblings much. Finally, on account of the dominant technological development, family members have a tendency to engage in screen-time activities instead of having a chat. However, there are a variety of potential solutions to tackle this issue. The first solution would be for companies and enterprises to decrease the pressure placing on their employees by giving them sufficient workload and appropriate work schedule. Besides, they should give bonuses and pay extra in order to ensure subordinate material life. Finally, in terms of families, it is necessary to take family trips at weekends to play and relieve stress after a tiring week at the workplace. In conclusion, failure to obtain work-life balance stems from aforementioned ground. Nevertheless, we can eliminate this issue by taking some actions suggested above.
These days, in this modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, adults and children alike, try their best to strike a work-life balance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of them tend to fail it. This essay will highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes leading to this phenomenon and suggest several possible measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, there are a number of reasons why individuals do not succeed in balancing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Firstly
, modern parents nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
full-time due to the ambition for financial gain and the demands of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. They even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on the weekends, hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This results in the lack of communication and closeness between parents and children in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which can contribute to weakening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds.
Secondly
, school children,
especially
secondary and high school students,
are forced
to take extra classes after school day. Even if they are at home, they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with a huge amount of homework and assignments, and
therefore
they do not have conversations with their parents and siblings much.
Finally
, on account of the dominant technological development,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members have a tendency to engage in screen-time activities
instead
of having a chat.

However
, there are a variety of potential solutions to tackle this issue. The
first
solution would be for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and enterprises to decrease the pressure placing on their employees by giving them sufficient workload and appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule.
Besides
, they should give bonuses and pay extra in order to ensure subordinate material life.
Finally
, in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, it is necessary to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
trips at weekends to play and relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after a tiring week at the workplace.

In conclusion
, failure to obtain work-life balance stems from aforementioned ground.
Nevertheless
, we can eliminate this issue by taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions suggested above.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Take a look at the graphics and complete the task. The charts show the qualities employers and employees think are important in job seekers.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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