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Describe your hometown· Describe the place· What is special about it? · Compare it to other cities in the world? v.1

Describe your hometown· Describe the place· What is special about it? · Compare it to other cities in the world? v. 1
Many forms of advertising are unanimous in today’s world. Marketing products according to some brings awareness, and hence it is welcomed, however, others claim that it is causing adverse effects on society. This essay will examine both views and supports advertising as it is essential to make decisions. Those who believe that advertisements causes detrimental effects on the community argue so due to foremost factor being decision fatigue. Since, too many products are on ads for the same purpose, it causes strain on brain to choose one among the available options for each daily requirement. Also to add on, people end up shedding amount on unnecessary items looking at attractive commercials. Because of above two reasons, it appears that commercials are the sources of negativity in society. Others, myself included, support ads as it makes lives comfortable and easy to make informed decisions. To explain in other words, in our busy daily chores, unconsciously we are exposed to advertisements in forms of hoarding boards, TV commercials, online ads etc. . , therefore, we are aware of goods available in market without looking for them intentionally. This enables anyone to purchase the right item for any purpose. For instance, if a person is suffering from hair fall, out of many shampoo brands available, one can take decision to select the correct product based on information available on commercials. Hence, due to such convenience in making decisions, I feel marketing should be welcomed. In conclusion, in today’s world data is overloaded everywhere, but absence of data could be more catastrophic. Therefore, instead of treating too many ads as negativity, making smart choices with available information is required.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
forms of advertising are unanimous in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world. Marketing products according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
brings awareness, and
hence
it
is welcomed
,
however
, others claim that it is causing adverse effects on society. This essay will examine both views and supports advertising as it is essential to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions.

Those who believe that advertisements causes detrimental effects on the community argue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
due to foremost factor being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
fatigue. Since, too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
products are on ads for the same purpose, it causes strain on brain to choose one among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
options for each daily requirement.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up shedding amount on unnecessary items looking at attractive commercials.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of above two reasons, it appears that commercials are the sources of negativity in society.

Others, myself included, support ads as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
comfortable and easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
informed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in other words
, in our busy daily chores,
unconsciously
we
are exposed
to advertisements in forms of hoarding boards, TV commercials, online ads etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
therefore
, we are aware of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
in market without looking for them
intentionally
. This enables anyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the right item for any purpose.
For instance
, if a person is suffering from hair fall, out of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
shampoo brands
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
, one can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
to select the correct product based on information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
on commercials.
Hence
, due to such convenience in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
, I feel marketing should
be welcomed
.

In conclusion
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world data
is overloaded
everywhere,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
absence of data could be more catastrophic.
Therefore
,
instead
of treating too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ads as negativity, making smart choices with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
information
is required
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe your hometown· Describe the place· What is special about it? · Compare it to other cities in the world? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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