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t is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views v.2

t is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. 2
Some people said that having a good path in chasing after sport and music career is totally constituted by being taught. But I agree that the epitome of inherited takes a leading factor in becoming successful in becoming a good sport player or musician. On the one hand, I concur to those who said that coming into a talent is a factor key to lead to the prospective career involving sport or music field since those who are in lucky to get it need less time to acquire knowledge as well as put what they have learnt into practice. As a result, they can have a good grasp of playing instruments or sports smoothly. Moreover, such people have the tendency of expressing their distinctive ability when they were little kids. It is really conducive to them, they were exposed to all of things considered to belong to their gifted, which help them be armed with essential solid platform very soon. For example, Mozart started to compose music when he was 6 years old and then his whole childhood was took advantage of having his head buried into music. At last, he becomes the most outstanding exponent of the eighteenth century. On the other hand, others argue that being good at sport or music completely stems from diligent practice. Having the passion on playing sports and instruments can give them an advantage in pouring their whole time into that without any tiredness and hesitation. With effective practices and having an insight of what they are following enables them to gain admirable achievements. While many opinions shown that throwing energy into practicing and acquiring skills can lead to a successful sport or music career. I believe that having been born with certain talents is a deciding factor.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
path in chasing after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
career is
totally
constituted by
being taught
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the epitome of inherited takes a leading factor in becoming successful in becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
player or musician.

On the one hand, I concur to those who said that coming into a talent is a factor key to lead to the prospective career involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
field since those who are in lucky to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
it need less time to acquire knowledge
as well
as put what they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
into practice.
As a result
, they can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
grasp of playing instruments or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
smoothly
.
Moreover
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have the tendency of expressing their distinctive ability when they were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
kids. It is
really
conducive to them, they
were exposed
to
Consider using "all things" or "all of the things".
all of things
The verb 'considered' is used with the gerund form: "considered belonging".
considered to belong
to their gifted, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
be armed
with essential solid platform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
For example
, Mozart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to compose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
when he was 6 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and then his whole childhood was
Consider using a past participle here: "taken".
took
advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
his head buried into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. At last, he becomes the most outstanding exponent of the eighteenth century.

On the other hand
, others argue that being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
completely stems from diligent practice.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
the passion on playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and instruments can give them an advantage in pouring their whole time into that without any tiredness and hesitation. With effective practices and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an insight of what they are following enables them to gain admirable achievements.

While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opinions shown that throwing energy into practicing and acquiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can lead to a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
career. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
been born
with certain talents is a deciding factor.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay t is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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