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Summarise the points made in the lecture being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made reading passage TPO2 writing task 1 v.1

Summarise the points made in the lecture being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made reading passage TPO2 writing task 1 v. 1
The development of internet connection is enormously effected to the consumer demands. This can be even seen in daily shopping activities. Personally, I agreed that the increase of online shopping will one day lead to closure all traditional stores in Cities or Towns. This essay will look at how retail shoppings shall be fading away in the near future To begin with, the online sites provided the new, unique and convenient experience of shopping with amount of diversity and huge products which quite satisfied to clients. For example, The Amazone online shopping site has classified their items of goods such as: clothes, laptops and computers, phones, cars, books, furnitures and so on then the goods shall be delivered to our specified address of the buyer. Consumers can save a lot of time for staying and paying at traditional stores. As a result, this makes it clear that e-commerce markets completely meet the people requirement of shopping Another compelling argument that e-commerce business has a huge capital base and lower management cost. For example, The Ebay company has invested and deployed a large number of drones for faster delivery to the customers. Moreover, retail businesses have to pay a more money for renting physical shops. These online shopping businesses are flexible in applying the new technology for consumer demand. As most would agree that model of website based-commerce markets will be rapidly developed with the support of technology in the near future. As seen above, the brick and mortar business shall be perished by expanding of new model of e-commerce. It is clear that the growing of online shopping will lead to the end of obsoleted commerce market. It is predicted that classical way of commerce in the physical stores will be disappearing in a foreseeable time
The development of internet connection is
enormously
effected to the consumer demands. This can be even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
activities.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that the increase of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will one day lead to closure all traditional stores in Cities or Towns. This essay will look at how retail
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoppings
shall be fading away in the near future

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
sites provided the new, unique and convenient experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
with amount of diversity and huge products which quite satisfied to clients.
For example
, The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amazone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
site has classified their items of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
such as: clothes, laptops and computers, phones, cars, books,
Possible spelling mistake found.
furnitures
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on then the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
shall
be delivered
to our specified address of the buyer. Consumers can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time for staying and paying at traditional stores.
As a result
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that e-commerce markets completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
requirement of shopping

Another compelling argument that e-commerce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
has a huge capital base and lower management cost.
For example
, The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ebay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has invested and deployed
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
drones for faster delivery to the customers.
Moreover
, retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a more money for renting physical shops. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are flexible in applying the new technology for consumer demand.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
most would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that model of website based-commerce markets will be
rapidly
developed with the support of technology in the near future.

As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
above, the brick and mortar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
shall
be perished
by expanding of new model of e-commerce. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the growing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will lead to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of obsoleted commerce market. It
is predicted
that classical way of commerce in the physical stores will be disappearing in a foreseeable
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
time
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Summarise the points made in the lecture being sure to explain how they cast doubt on specific points made reading passage TPO2 writing task 1 v. 1

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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