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Central and local goverments make a frantic atempt to promote festivals to create a lof revenue. Some people think this money should be invested in social programmes for the poor. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Central and local goverments make a frantic atempt to promote festivals to create a lof revenue. Some people think this money should be invested in social programmes for the poor. with this statement? v. 1
There is no doubt that it is important to consider how governments should spend its money. Although some people think that train lines should be given the priority in the governmental spending, I completely disagree with this argument and I will discuss my view in this essay. To begin with, those who think public funds should be directed to railways might argue that it can attract passengers to use trains again. This is because such a sort of transportation is considered one the oldest means, which is not equipped with recent technologies, such as GPS tracking service and Wifi. For example, trains in a developing country like Egypt are the worst way of commuting. Therefore, it is commonly known that Egyptians prefer to use other means, such as vehicles and planes. In contrast, If the government spends its funding in trains, this will attract commuters to such a mean. However, I would totally believe that it is pivotal to spend governments' money on roads. The reason for this is that there are many road accidents occur because of poor roads' infrastructure. For instance, this is can be seen by a growing number of accidents in Egypt due to the lack of safety precautions in these roads. If, in contrast, the government developed such roads, this would save many people's live. In conclusion, despite the fact that developing railways can have many benefits, such as attracting passengers and rising income, it is my firm belief that government should direct its money to improve roads.
There is no doubt that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should spend its money. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
lines should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the priority in the governmental spending, I completely disagree with this argument and I will discuss my view in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
public funds should
be directed
to railways might argue that it can attract passengers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
again. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such a sort of transportation
is considered
one the oldest means, which is not equipped with recent technologies, such as GPS tracking service and
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
Wifi
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
like Egypt are the worst way of commuting.
Therefore
, it is
commonly
known that Egyptians prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other means, such as vehicles and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
.
In contrast
, If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spends its funding in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
, this will attract commuters to such a mean.

However
, I would
totally
believe that it is pivotal to spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
' money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
The reason for this is
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accidents occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor roads' infrastructure.
For instance
, this is can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by a growing number of accidents in Egypt due to the lack of safety precautions in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. If,
in contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
developed such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, this would save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that developing railways can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, such as attracting passengers and rising income, it is my firm belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should direct its money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Central and local goverments make a frantic atempt to promote festivals to create a lof revenue. Some people think this money should be invested in social programmes for the poor. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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