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if you go to another country which will you prefer to follow the customs of their own country or customs of new country v.1

if you go to another country which will you prefer to follow the customs of their own country or customs of new country v. 1
In recent times, a percentage of people think that kids should be raised by all the members of the extended family as opposed to being raised by their parents only. As much as it is a good idea, it has its own downside. Raising children is not a day's job and can really be exhausting, which means all hands must be on deck. However, the major part of the task should be left for the parents to take care of. The reasons for these are not far-fetched and are explained below. The parents of a child are the ones who know almost everything about their child and can properly take care of this need. It could be his/her likes and dislikes, strengths and weakness, best food, best colour, best TV program and allergies among many others. Parents pay attention to these things and eventually inculcate into the child's lifestyle while helping their wards to overcome the negative sides. On the other hand, family members who are presumed to love these children are only interested in completing tasks, such as feeding, clothing etc. Rather than paying attention to their social, academic and emotional needs. The lifestyle of the family members might differ from that of the parents, which in one way or the other influences these young ones. For example, if a family member has the attitude of stealing or nagging as opposed to the calm and contented nature of the parent, these acts can be easily picked up by the kids or get them confused as to what is right. This is not to say that some family members cannot also perfectly perform the duties of a parent, but it should be left in their hands. In conclusion, the onus to take care of a child lies in the hands of the parents which should be treated that way, while family members are welcome to help when the need arises.
In recent times, a percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that kids should
be raised
by all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of the extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as opposed to
being raised
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. As much as it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, it has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
downside.

Raising children is not a day's job and can
really
be exhausting, which means all hands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be on deck.
However
, the major part of the task should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to take care of. The reasons for these are not far-fetched and are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
below.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of a child are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who know almost everything about their child and can
properly
take care of this need. It could be his/her likes and dislikes, strengths and weakness
A determiner is probably missing here: ", the best".
, best
food
A determiner is probably missing here: ", the best".
, best
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
A determiner is probably missing here: ", the best".
, best
TV program and allergies among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
pay attention to these things and
eventually
inculcate into the child's lifestyle while helping their wards to overcome the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
who
are presumed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
these children are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
interested in completing tasks, such as feeding, clothing etc.
Rather
than paying attention to their social, academic and emotional needs.

The lifestyle of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
might differ from that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which in one way or the other influences these young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
has the attitude of stealing or nagging as opposed to the calm and contented nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
, these acts can be
easily
picked up by the kids or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them confused as to what is right. This is not to say that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
cannot
also
perfectly
perform the duties of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in their hands.

In conclusion
, the onus to take care of a child lies in the hands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
which should
be treated
that way, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are welcome to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
when the need arises.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay if you go to another country which will you prefer to follow the customs of their own country or customs of new country v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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