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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. v.13

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 13
These days, many successful athletes earn millions of dollars through various sources by endorsing brands and high salaries. However, this is not the scenario in other sectors. Some people believe that this is entirely fair while others think that it is not acceptable. This essay will discuss both sides of the arguments in depth and will draw a possible conclusion with my opinion. First of all, some are of opinion that the huge amount of money earned by top athletes is fully justified when compare to other vocations. These people have reasons to believe that because in order to become a successful sport professional one needs to be more dedicated throughout his sporting career. Moreover, the length of earning period is minimal than other jobs. For example, many athletes retire at a young age due to many factors such as injuries, low endurance. Therefore, earning more money through various sources is right according to some people. On the other hand, there is a common belief that it is biased by paying more for sporting than other important professions like doctors, scientists. They contribute most of their innovations and creative thinking to help societies across the world. Even though, these professionals work more hours than athletes do, but they are getting paid less. For example, individuals in these sectors need to work throughout their entire life to survive, which is not the case in terms of sport professionals. As a result, many people are struggling. In conclusion, although it is a common thought that fortunate sports individuals are paid higher than other crucial jobs. I believe that the length of earning period is more for other vocations such as doctors whereas it is minimal for athletes. Personally, I think that it is entirely necessary to pay for successful sporting individuals as their career is short when compared to other jobs
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
earn millions of dollars through various sources by endorsing brands and high salaries.
However
, this is not the scenario in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sectors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this is
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is not acceptable. This essay will discuss both sides of the arguments in depth and will draw a possible conclusion with my opinion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of opinion that the huge amount of money earned by top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
is
fully
justified when compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
vocations. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have reasons to believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in order to become a successful sport professional one needs to be more dedicated throughout his sporting career.
Moreover
, the length of earning period is
Use "(minimal)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
minimal
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
jobs.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
retire at a young age due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors such as injuries, low endurance.
Therefore
, earning more money through various sources is right according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there is a common belief that it
is biased
by paying more for sporting than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
professions like doctors, scientists. They contribute most of their innovations and creative thinking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
societies across the world.
Even though
, these professionals work more hours than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are getting paid less.
For example
, individuals in these sectors need to work throughout their entire life to survive, which is not the case in terms of sport professionals.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are struggling.

In conclusion
, although it is a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that fortunate sports individuals
are paid
higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
crucial jobs. I believe that the length of earning period is more for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
vocations such as doctors whereas it is minimal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is
entirely
necessary to pay for successful sporting individuals as their career is short when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
jobs
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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