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Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion. v.12

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 12
Some people think it is not a good idea for teachers to give home study task to school children. While others say it is an essential part of learning. In my view, youngsters need to be assigned homework for better exam results because it gives them a chance to enter higher education. On the one hand, some people hold the view that too many home assignments are of no benefits and become a burden to school children. This is because children spend their whole day studying at school and they feel tired after returning home, then they have more stress of finishing their homework. For example, in some countries most of the children are under pressure to complete a large amount of homework and if they fail to complete their assignments they cannot get into a good high school. I think that children should be given home assignments, but should not be put under this kind of pressure. On the other hand, others think that homework plays a vital role in the development of students' knowledge. They believe this because it helps children understand school subjects better. For instance, if children regularly studies at home, they will definitely expand their knowledge compared to the one who do not. I agree with this view as it improves child's education and eventually obtaining a well-paid job. In conclusion, although homework creates burden an overlook practical knowledge, we must take into consideration the understanding level of students and revision. Therefore, in my view, the merits of homework outweigh its demerits. If I were a teacher, I would mandate homework.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for teachers to give home study task to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others say it is an essential part of learning. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, youngsters need to
be assigned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
for better exam results
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives them a chance to enter higher education.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
that too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
home assignments are of no benefits and become a burden to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their whole day studying at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
they feel tired after returning home, then they have more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of finishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are under pressure to complete a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
and if they fail to complete their assignments they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
home assignments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should not
be put
under this kind of pressure.

On the other hand
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
plays a vital role in the development of students' knowledge. They believe this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
subjects better.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
regularly
studies at home, they will definitely expand their knowledge compared to the one who do not. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
child's education and
eventually
obtaining a well-paid job.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
creates burden an overlook practical knowledge, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take into consideration the understanding level of students and revision.
Therefore
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, the merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
outweigh its demerits. If I were a teacher, I would mandate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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