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buying things on the internet, such books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. v.1

buying things on the internet, such books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. v. 1
It has become a fashion, now a day, that people buy products online, instead of going and buying them from shops, which I personally think is a bad call. Firstly, I would like to put a light on a the quality of products we get from shopping online. It means that, when you buy anything online, its quality sometimes differs from, what it is shown. For example, when I bought a VR box from amazon, when it reached home, it was broken from one side and I could not see through it properly. Also, it had many flaws in it. So, one should get a quality product, when they buy anything from online. Secondly, but most importantly is, the fake or wrong products, we get from online. That is, we get 1st copy or sometimes something else of what we have asked for. Means, instead of black dress you get a white dress. For an instant, my friend asked for Samson A30s mobile. But, in place of that, the company sends him A30 model, which is different from actual model in specification and looks. Hence, online shopping, sometimes waste your time as well as money by sending wrong products. Next is, many times, the products, which we want on a particular time, do not reach at the same time. It is seen that, items which are promised on time, reach late. Few times, even after the occasion. For example, a guy purchasing gift for someones birthday, receives it after his or her birthday. It is actually very frustrating to get such kind of treatment when you have promised it. To conclude this, I must say that, online buying is a risky thing, because one might get fake or wrong as well as bad quality product.
It has become a fashion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
instead
of going and buying them from shops, which I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
call.

Firstly
, I would like to put a light on
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "the" is left.
a the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. It means that, when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
differs from, what it
is shown
.
For example
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
a VR box from
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
, when it reached home, it
was broken
from one side and I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
through it
properly
.
Also
, it had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
flaws in it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, one should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything from online.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most
importantly
is, the fake or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
.
That is
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
1st copy or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
something else of what we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
. Means,
instead
of black dress you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a white dress. For an instant, my friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
Samson A30s mobile.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, in place of that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
him A30 model, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from actual model in specification and looks.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
waste your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as well
as money by sending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
products.

Next
is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which we want on a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, do not reach at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, items which
are promised
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, reach late. Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, even after the occasion.
For example
, a guy purchasing gift for someones birthday, receives it after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
birthday. It is actually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
frustrating to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
such kind of treatment when you have promised it.

To conclude
this, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
buying is a risky thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fake or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay buying things on the internet, such books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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