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Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v.4

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v. 4
It is often thought by some people that wealth and material belongings are the measurement criteria of success. In my opinion, wealth is not the effective way to measure success as there are many other factors like good family relationship, health and dream career that make a person successful. It is undeniable that everyone in the world strives for happiness and hence, it should be the best way to measure success. Although some people have wealth which is enough to buy all material belongings they want they attempt self-murder. For instance, life is quite stressful in some developed countries compared to developing or even underdeveloped countries. Therefore, wealth cannot be regarded as the criteria of measuring success. There are several factors that contribute to making a person successful. Firstly, it is irrefutable that family support is of paramount importance throughout the journey of life. Good family not only brings happiness to our life but also helps us to share worries and thereby reduces stress. Secondly, getting a suitable career that matches a person’s area of interest is inevitable for leading a happy and consequently, a successful life. Career brightens a person’s self-esteem. If a person gets a dream job, it helps their career progression as well as job prospects. Finally, health is another obvious factor that is unavoidable for a successful life. Only if a person is healthy, he can work hard to gain success. To conclude, money is not the basics of success because a person is successful only if he leads a happy and contended life. For this, he should have a good family, health and a satisfying career.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
and material belongings are the measurement criteria of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
is not the effective way to measure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other factors like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
relationship, health and dream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
successful.

It is undeniable that everyone in the world strives for happiness and
hence
, it should be the best way to measure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all material belongings they want they attempt self-murder.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is quite stressful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
compared to developing or even underdeveloped countries.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
cannot
be regarded
as the criteria of measuring success.

There are several factors that contribute to making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
Firstly
, it is irrefutable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
support is of paramount importance throughout the journey of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings happiness to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to share worries and thereby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Secondly
, getting a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that matches a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
area of interest is inevitable for leading a happy and
consequently
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Career
brightens a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
self-esteem. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a dream job, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
progression
as well
as job prospects.
Finally
, health is another obvious factor
that is
unavoidable for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is healthy, he can work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to gain success.

To conclude
, money is not the basics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if he leads a happy and contended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. For this, he should have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, health and a satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth is the best measure of success? What makes a successful person? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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