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success is most important in life or people who are happy even when they fail. which one is the best choice from your view point? v.2

success is most important in life or people who are happy even when they fail. which one is the best choice from your view point? v. 2
The question is whether success is most vital thing in life or when people are happy particularly when they fail. Everyone with regard to his own perspective may maintain a specific direction toward this statement. Some believe that only factor which is worthwhile in this world is prosperity while others have a conviction that joyful people, who can tolerate any hardship under every condition, are most prosperous humans. I am unanimous with the latter group; so the next paragraphs will vastly elucidate my vantage point through two salient reasons: To begin with, as the old saying goes “just failure can guarantee your future" . When a person tends to achieve a goal, in the first step, he should learn to keep his spirit in high level. There are plentiful of obstacles in the success route; hence, without passing them, the mentioned man will not be able to acquire sufficient experiences. Let' s look at the history. During centuries, famous scientists could invent or design the formulas which have changed our life in the best ways. All of these well-known inventors experienced failures for many times or years; however, they knew that the aforementioned failures were leading them toward their purpose. I remember when I participated in a swimming contest, I expected to become championship for the first time but I could not gain any acceptable record. I let down and cried for weeks then I made a decision to leave swimming. One day, my grandmother came to visit us, when she was aware about my decision, told me just one sentence “the real taste of success is very sweet and it would not be obtained without failure" . I accepted her advice and now I am a professional swimmer. In short, if we do not fail, the real meaning of prosperity will never be understood. Moreover, if human beings always look for the prosperity, they may gain it but gradually their personality may also alter in this way. Based on a recent research in psychology field, the overwhelming majority of winners who do not experienced the failures, will usually become selfish people. They would rather not communicate with others and unfortunately they will restrict to their home. Solitary life may transform them to depressed humans or even worse they may think about suicide thoughts. Yet, needless to say that happiness releases more Endorphin in brain- a chemical substance in brain which is responsible for better concentration. Besides being happy, when humans associate with others and make new friendships; as a matter a fact they can share their opinions with each other and make new roads toward their goals. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that having high spirit and pleasant soul is able to encourage humans to pursue their goals without any frustrating even when they fail. You may be a successful and selfish man; however, without joyful soul, you will be accounted as dead person.
The question is whether success is
most
vital thing in life or when
people
are happy
particularly
when they fail. Everyone with regard to his
own
perspective may maintain a specific direction toward this statement.
Some
believe that
only
factor which is worthwhile in this world is prosperity while others have a conviction that joyful
people
, who can tolerate any hardship under every condition, are
most
prosperous
humans
. I am unanimous with the latter group;
so
the
next
paragraphs will
vastly
elucidate my vantage point through two salient reasons:

To
begin
with, as the
old
saying goes “
just
failure
can guarantee your
future&quot
;
.
When a person tends to achieve a goal, in the
first
step, he should learn to
keep
his spirit in high level. There are plentiful of obstacles in the success route;
hence
, without passing them, the mentioned
man
will not be able to acquire sufficient experiences.
Let&
#039; s look at the history. During centuries,
famous
scientists could invent or design the formulas which have
changed
our life in the best ways. All of these well-known inventors experienced
failures
for
many
times or years;
however
, they knew that the aforementioned
failures
were leading them toward their purpose. I remember when I participated in a swimming contest, I
expected
to become championship for the
first
time
but
I could not gain any acceptable record. I
let
down and cried for weeks then I made a decision to
leave
swimming. One day, my grandmother came to visit us, when she was aware about my decision,
told
me
just
one sentence “the real taste of success is
very
sweet and it would not
be obtained
without
failure&quot
;
.
I
accepted
her advice and
now
I am a professional swimmer. In short, if we do not fail, the real meaning of prosperity will never
be understood
.

Moreover
, if
human
beings always look for the prosperity, they may gain it
but
gradually
their personality may
also
alter in this way. Based on a recent research in psychology field, the overwhelming majority of winners who do not experienced the
failures
, will
usually
become selfish
people
. They would
rather
not communicate with others and unfortunately they will restrict to their home. Solitary life may transform them to depressed
humans
or even worse they may
think
about suicide thoughts.
Yet
, needless to say that happiness releases more Endorphin in brain- a chemical substance in brain which is responsible for better concentration.
Besides
being happy, when
humans
associate with others and
make
new friendships; as a matter a fact they can share their opinions with each
other
and
make
new roads toward their goals.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that having high spirit and pleasant soul is able to encourage
humans
to pursue their goals without any frustrating even when they fail. You may be a successful and selfish
man
;
however
, without joyful soul, you will
be accounted
as dead person.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay success is most important in life or people who are happy even when they fail. which one is the best choice from your view point? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
488 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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