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Some people think that success is most important in their life. Othersthink that it’s more important to be happy when they fail. Which idea doyou agree with and why? v.2

Some people think that success is most important in their life. Othersthink that it’s more important to be happy when they fail. Which idea doyou agree with and why? v. 2
First of all, I am of the opinion that failure is leads to large success in the future. Personally speaking, if people fail to achieve something in their life, they will learn from that failure in the way that how to become successful in the future. In other words, after any failure, people definitely assess the reasons of their failure and try not to do them again. Moreover, on the condition that people experience a failure, they will strive more that before to forget their failure. My own experience is compelling example of this, When I was in highshool, I could not pass some of my courses and had to finish highschool one year after all my friend did. It was a kind of failure for me since all frind of mine went to university and I could not. Because ot this, after graduation I tried a lot, even more than before, and finally accepted in the best university in my country. Having considered this experience, I strongly believe that people should be happy when they face a problem and fail, since they will be more eager to try hard and become successful. Second, no matter whether you succeed or fail, during you are try to attain youe aims, you accomlish a lot of objects which are really valuable, So, you should not be sad when fail, since your achievements are a kind od success. In addition, the accomplishments you earn during striving to achieve your goals, will help you to be more successful in the future, since you will be more skilful and professional and all of them, finally, make you a successful person. For exapmle, I remember a time my sister was working in a lab to make an important medical device, it was really crucial for her to can make that device and be succeful, because of some happenings, she could not make that device and failed. But, during the time she was struggling to make that device, she earned a lot of experiences which could use them some years after and made a medical device much more advenced than it was supposed to be. In fact, her experiences taught her to be more successful later. Finally, I strongle believe that people should not be disappointed when they fail. Not only will they become more successful in the future, but they also abtain a lot of accomplishment which are obtained during try.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
is leads to large success in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Personally
speaking, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fail
to achieve something in their life, they will learn from that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
in the way that how to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
In other words
, after any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
definitely assess the reasons of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
and try not to do them again.
Moreover
, on the condition that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
, they will strive more that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
to forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is compelling example of this, When I was in
Possible spelling mistake found.
highshool
, I could not pass
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my courses and had to finish
Possible spelling mistake found.
highschool
one year
after all
my friend did. It was a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
for me since all
Possible spelling mistake found.
frind
of mine went to university and I could not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
Possible spelling mistake found.
ot
this, after graduation I tried a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
, even more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and
finally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in the best university in my country. Having considered this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be happy when they face a problem and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fail
, since they will be more eager to try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and become successful.

Second, no matter whether you succeed or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fail
, during you are
Consider using a past participle here: "tried".
try
to attain
Possible spelling mistake found.
youe
aims, you
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomlish
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of objects which are
really
valuable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, you should not be sad when
The conjunction "when" requires the past participle "failed", or did you mean "you fail"?
fail
, since your achievements are a kind
Possible spelling mistake found.
od
success.
In addition
, the accomplishments you earn during striving to achieve your goals, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, since you will be more
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
and professional and all of them,
finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
you a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
person. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
exapmle
, I remember a time my sister was working in a lab to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
, it was
really
crucial for her to can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
and be
Possible spelling mistake found.
succeful
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
happenings, she could not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
and failed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, during the time she was struggling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
, she earned a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years after and made a medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
much more
Possible spelling mistake found.
advenced
than it
was supposed
to be. In fact, her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
taught her to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
later.

Finally
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
strongle
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
be disappointed
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fail
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will they become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
abtain
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of accomplishment which
are obtained
during try.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that success is most important in their life. Othersthink that it’s more important to be happy when they fail. Which idea doyou agree with and why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
405 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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