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Some people think that success is most important in their life. Othersthink that it’s more important to be happy when they fail. Which idea doyou agree with and why? v.1

Some people think that success is most important in their life. Othersthink that it’s more important to be happy when they fail. Which idea doyou agree with and why? v. 1
There has been a division in many quarters as to what role a woman should play in a male denominated organisation. While some believe that both uniformed men and women in the armed forces should play equal roles, others think that a woman is not in any way meant for such occupation. In my opinion, I agree with the former assertion that a woman should play the same role as a man in the force for a number of reasons. On the one hand, I believe that in order to prevent inequality both sexes should have the same responsibilities. Since time immemorial, women have been clamouring for equal rights at work, therefore, in order to prevent a situation whereby the female sex feels looked down on or belittled it is essential that they are both awarded equal roles in the force. Besides, both parties knew what they were in for before applying for the job, there is, therefore, no need to set aside a special role for a man or woman. On the other hand, it is thought the military jobs could be more tasking and demanding for a woman. This is because some of the job descriptions of being an army officer sometimes involve going to war and a woman might not have the necessary strength required to carry out such operations. In a situation where a woman is enrolled in such, the probability of failing in such missions would be higher. For example, in the year 2000, the NPF enrolled 20 women to lead the war in the Sambisa forest in Kano State. The state recorded a massive failure of the mission. This re-emphasizes the fact that not all jobs are suitable for both sexes. In conclusion, although women might not be able to perform excellently in the armed forces, I, therefore, believe that in order to prevent inequality, both sexes should be given responsibilities on the par.
There has been a division in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
quarters as to what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
should play in a male denominated
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that both uniformed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
should play equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
is not in any way meant for such occupation. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former assertion that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
should play the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
for a number of reasons.

On the one hand, I believe that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
inequality both sexes should have the same responsibilities. Since time immemorial,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have been
Possible spelling mistake found.
clamouring
for equal rights at work,
therefore
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a situation whereby the female sex feels looked down on or belittled it is essential that they are both awarded equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roles
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
.
Besides
, both parties knew what they were in for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
applying for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, there is,
therefore
, no need to set aside a special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
or woman.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
the military
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
could be more tasking and demanding for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
descriptions of being an army officer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
involve going to war and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
might not have the necessary strength required to carry out such operations. In a situation where a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
woman
is enrolled
in such, the probability of failing in such missions would be higher.
For example
, in the year 2000, the NPF enrolled 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to lead the war in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sambisa
forest in Kano State. The state recorded a massive failure of the mission. This re-emphasizes the fact that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are suitable for both sexes.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
might not be able to perform
excellently
in the armed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
, I,
therefore
, believe that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
inequality, both sexes should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
responsibilities on the par.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that success is most important in their life. Othersthink that it’s more important to be happy when they fail. Which idea doyou agree with and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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