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Success in formal 'pen and paper' examinations is often seen to be sign of intelligence. To what extent do you agree with the view that formal examinations measue intelligence? v.1

Success in formal 'pen and paper' examinations is often seen to be sign of intelligence. v. 1
Most of the people nowadays around the world would like to have the opportunity to stay at home and have some free moment for all the work that they have to do, and by the mobile application technologically advanced, a new form of delivery become available which is internet shopping. It’s a mean, let the person to ordered whatever merchandise he or she want to be delivered to their home, by this approach they can get an extra hour to rest at home after a long day of work and doing daily errands. Therefore, I agree with this kind of facility to be further developed so that it can on reach for all the houses around the world, due how make life more convenient and provide an extra moment to do another activity was not possible before because they're just not enough moment to do it. However, some people believe that this kind shopping will the shops in town and city to be closed, but this is just really a dark thought in the person's mind, because still even internet shopping makes our life easier, but the traditional way of shopping has its own unique pleasure and still from time to time the people would like to go out and buy their stuff by this way. In the end, internet shopping couldn't take the traditional way place, buts it’s a good thing that we have an alternative choice that we can make if don’t have the time to go outside.
Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
nowadays around the world would like to have the opportunity to stay at home and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
free moment for all the work that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do, and by the mobile application
technologically
advanced, a new form of delivery become available which is internet shopping.

It’s a mean,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the person to ordered whatever merchandise he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to
be delivered
to their home, by this approach they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an extra hour to rest at home after a long day of work and doing daily errands.

Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this kind of facility to be
further
developed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can on reach for all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
around the world, due how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
life more convenient and provide an extra moment to do another activity was not possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they're
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
moment to do it.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this kind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will the shops in town and city to
be closed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
really
a dark
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in the person's mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
still
even internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our life easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the traditional way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique pleasure and
still
from time to time the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would like to go out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their stuff by this way.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
couldn't take the traditional way place, buts it’s a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing that we have an alternative choice that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
if don’t have the time to go outside.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Success in formal 'pen and paper' examinations is often seen to be sign of intelligence. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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