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More and more people now own cars. What are the problems associated with an increase in the usage of private cars? How can these problems be solved? v.1

More and more people now own cars. What are the problems associated with an increase in the usage of private cars? How can these problems be solved? v. 1
The rise in the purchasing power of the people and a decrease in the price of the cars has resulted in a spike of car per capita index of the globe. Consequently, it has increased the burden on the available infrastructure and the environment, which I will discuss in more details in the following paragraphs along with the countermeasures to reduce it. Firstly, the current infrastructure is not developing at a rate enough to catch the growth of private vehicles. As a result, the congestion on the roads has increased abruptly. Furthermore, overcrowded roads predominantly are the reason for the upswing in road accidents, leading to further casualties and economic loss. An automobile stuck in the traffic or moving slowly in the traffic will consume more fuel to reach the same destination as less speed will not allow the engine to operate at optimum efficiency. Secondly, the emissions from vehicles are the prime contributor to greenhouse gases. These gases are the prime culprit of the acceleration in average global temperature and change in weather patterns in the world. In addition, the hike in temperature has expedited the process of ice melting at the poles. Subsequently, the sea level is rising around the world with many experts prophesying the extinction of many island nations by 2050. Actionable solutions are required to solve this problem. To get the ball rolling, the government needs to invest in public transport and infrastructure to support it. More lanes should be reserved for highly occupied cars and buses, it will encourage the people to carpool or use public transit. Moreover, reducing the cost of public transit can be a silver bullet to attract people towards public transit. In addition, awareness programs should be developed and communicated among the masses. In some cultures, owning a private vehicle is considered as a status symbol. This notion can be broken by informing the people about the problem of excess vehicles on the roads causing to them and society as a whole. To sum up, I think initiatives by the government with the support of responsible citizens can resolve the problem of road cramped with vehicles.
The rise in the purchasing power of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and a decrease in the price of the cars has resulted in a spike of car per capita index of the globe.
Consequently
, it has increased the burden on the available infrastructure and the environment, which I will discuss in more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
in the following paragraphs along with the countermeasures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
it.

Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
infrastructure is not developing at a rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to catch the growth of private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
.
As a result
, the congestion on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
has increased
abruptly
.
Furthermore
, overcrowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
predominantly
are the reason for the upswing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accidents, leading to
further
casualties and economic loss. An automobile stuck in the traffic or moving
slowly
in the traffic will consume more fuel to reach the same destination as less speed will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the engine to operate at optimum efficiency.

Secondly
, the emissions from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
are the prime contributor to greenhouse gases. These gases are the prime culprit of the acceleration in average global temperature and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in weather patterns in the world.
In addition
, the hike in temperature has expedited the process of ice melting at the poles.
Subsequently
, the sea level is rising around the world with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experts prophesying the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
island nations by 2050.

Actionable solutions
are required
to solve this problem. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the ball rolling, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to invest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport and infrastructure to support it. More lanes should
be reserved
for
highly
occupied cars and buses, it will encourage the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to carpool or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transit.
Moreover
, reducing the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transit can be a silver bullet to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transit.

In addition
, awareness programs should
be developed
and communicated among the masses. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultures, owning a private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
is considered
as a status symbol. This notion can
be broken
by informing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the problem of excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
causing to them and society as a whole.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
initiatives by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
with the support of responsible citizens can resolve the problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
cramped with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay More and more people now own cars. What are the problems associated with an increase in the usage of private cars? How can these problems be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
356 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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