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Question: Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. Task-To what extent do u agree or disagree? v.3

Question: Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. Task- v. 3
It is often said that music has a power to unite and connect people, regardless of their cultural backyard or age group. I totally agree with this view and show my reasons in this essay. On the one hand, music can cross cultural and national border and bring people together. For instance, the woman who would be mum in the future, can use the music to join between a mother and her baby. And a real fact that, the doctors in the hospital would use the music for their patients feel better and some cases of the patients in the hospital when they listen to the soft music, it makes them feel better and decline the tiredness from the work. And now we do not use the music for human and we can use it with animals, too. On the other hand, music also capable of connecting people from different generations. With our age, we can enjoy a strong rhythm or a beautiful voice and the best songs have the same magical effect for all of us. This is the reason explain why music shows in the media such as “ The Voice” and “X factor”, were the most popular programs in these early days. A wide audience is attracted by these programs because of containing a huge of the hit songs with the great voice from the contests so that attract the people from different ages. I think that these music programs would bring the family together. To sum up, music has some power to make human’s mind relaxed and it can make good relationship between people from different cultures and ages together.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has a power to unite and connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, regardless of their cultural backyard or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
my reasons in this essay.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can cross cultural and national border and bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
together.
For instance
, the woman who would be mum in the future, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
between a mother and her baby. And a real fact that, the doctors in the hospital would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for their patients feel better and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases of the patients in the hospital when they listen to the soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel better and decline the tiredness from the work. And
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
human and
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it with animals, too.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
also
capable of connecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
generations. With our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, we can enjoy a strong rhythm or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
voice and the best songs have the same magical effect for all of us. This is the reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
in the media such as
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
The Voice” and “X factor”, were the most popular programs in these early days. A wide audience
is attracted
by these programs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of containing
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
the hit songs with the great voice from the contests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that attract the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
programs would bring the family together.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
power to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
human’s mind relaxed and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
together.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Question: Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. Task- v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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