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Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. v.4

Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. v. 4
At all-time art has accompanied humanity; ancient civilizations have perished, but paintings, sculptures, dramas are still alive. The modern educators argue that school lessons in art, singing, theatre help to bring up a comprehensively evolved personality, and teachers insist that those lessons were not excluded from school curricula. I cannot but agree that art classes give pupal the possibility to open their potential and to develop their skills which they can use in other fields of activity. Most people would accept that children, studying arts, are more diligent and better able to handle difficulties in other subjects. Researchers argue that such students are more likely to take part in various contests and competitions compare to those that did not study arts. Creative arts allow kids to make mistakes that they can lighter correct themselves to learn better. For example, a child spending long hours studying music learns to focus on the task and achieve outcome, which helps them in other subjects. Thus, skills acquired in arts classes help the students reach results in the study of sciences. In addition, art lessons help students unleash their potential, new skills that they were not aware of. Not all parents are capable or want to teach their child to draw or dance. Only in art classes at school kids can discover the talent of a singer or actor, for example. Perhaps, Mozart would have been popular in his town as a shepherdess skillfully playing the pipe, if he had not had access to music lessons since childhood. Therefore, school art classes help many children to detect their calling; and the purpose of any state is to help children in this. To sum up, it is clear that the study of art helps the younger generation to find out their hidden abilities, reveal themselves. The habit of working hard will aid them better pull through difficulties in adulthood, and acquired skills will support in choosing a profession.
At all-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has accompanied humanity; ancient civilizations have perished,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
paintings, sculptures, dramas are
still
alive. The modern educators argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, singing,
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to bring up a
comprehensively
evolved personality, and teachers insist that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
were not excluded from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curricula. I cannot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
give pupal the possibility to open their potential and to develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in other fields of activity.

Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would accept that children, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, are more diligent and better able to handle difficulties in other subjects. Researchers argue that such students are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in various contests and competitions compare to those that did not study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. Creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes that they can lighter correct themselves to learn better.
For example
, a child spending long hours studying music learns to focus on the task and achieve outcome, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them in other subjects.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
acquired in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the students reach results in the study of sciences.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
students unleash their potential, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that they were not aware of. Not all parents are capable or want to teach their child to draw or dance.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
kids can discover the talent of a singer or actor,
for example
. Perhaps, Mozart would have been popular in his town as a shepherdess
skillfully
playing the pipe, if he had not had access to music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
since childhood.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children to detect their calling; and the purpose of any state is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
children in this.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the study of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the younger generation to find out their hidden abilities, reveal themselves. The habit of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
will aid them better pull through difficulties in adulthood, and acquired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will support in choosing a profession.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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