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Study the graph in figure below, which show changes in the amount of food produced in different parts of the world between 1965 and 1988. v.1

Study the graph in figure below, which show changes in the amount of food produced in different parts of the world between 1965 and 1988. v. 1
In the modern world, distinct genres of music are found and have different manifestations of the same spirit. Some argue that conventional music is more important, while others argue that international music should be more welcomed. This essay states that people value music as an enjoyable activity and traditional music is worth presuming. People consider music as a healthy hobby. This is because, it is the best way for them to lose depression and change their moods, consequently. It also doesn’t take much time and money as well. As a result, it makes people relaxed, energetic and happy, and folks can make their leisure time more enjoyable. For instance, in the gym the music is playing all the time for keeping the people active and more energetic throughout their workout. Traditional music is an identity of any country, so it should be popular. This is because, it is a basic convention, that alive our past. Citizens should support this and preserve this, like old relics and antiques. As a result, it becomes a vital part of our culture and will make our country identical among other nations. For example, the recent world survey done by “Star movies” in 2019 reveals that the basic identity of Romania is harmonium music “HANGO” which is 100 years old. To conclude, in current era music is a very interesting and satisfying hobby among people. Moreover, in comparison with international music, the traditional one should give paramount importance for providing tremendous support to our culture and customs.
In the modern world, distinct genres of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are found
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
manifestations of the same spirit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, while others argue that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
should be more welcomed. This essay states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as an enjoyable activity and traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is worth presuming.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
as a healthy hobby. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it is the best way for them to lose depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their moods,
consequently
. It
also
doesn’t take much time and money
as well
.
As a result
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relaxed, energetic and happy, and folks can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their leisure time more enjoyable.
For instance
, in the gym the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is playing all the time for keeping the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
active and more energetic throughout their workout.

Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is an identity of any country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should be popular. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it is a basic convention, that alive our past. Citizens should support this and preserve this, like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
relics and antiques.
As a result
, it becomes a vital part of our culture and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our country identical among other nations.
For example
, the recent world survey done by “Star movies” in 2019 reveals that the basic identity of Romania is harmonium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
“
Possible spelling mistake found.
HANGO
” which is 100 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

To conclude
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting and satisfying hobby among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
,
in comparison
with international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, the traditional one should give paramount importance for providing tremendous support to our culture and customs.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Study the graph in figure below, which show changes in the amount of food produced in different parts of the world between 1965 and 1988. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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