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Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What measures and methods can be used to tackle with it? v.3

Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What measures and methods can be used to tackle with it? v. 3
Nowadays, TV and smartphone have become the main sources of entertainment and spending leisure time for most of the children. In fact, most children are addicted to TV than doing meaningful or creative activities. As far as my opinion is concerned, I strongly believe that the availability of a huge number of channels, easy access to satellite TV channels, lack of proper guideline and the lack of ambition in children are the main reasons behind the children's'  inactivity and  less participation in creative tasks. It is taken for granted that children watch TV all the time due to the availability of various channels with diverse means of entertainment which appeal to them. Moreover, watching TV has become a permanent habit without which children would get bored and uninterested. Consequently, children will not be enthusiastic about doing anything creative owing to their addiction to TV. For example, my child is 6 years of age. He is used to spending his time on watching TV rather than on creating or making new things. I have been endeavouring to let him active and do new things, but unfortunately, he always refuses to do so. This is quite sure because he is accustomed to this habit since his tender age. Again, bygone are the days when a small percentage of households in a country owned TV sets. On the contrary, these days a single family owns more than one TV and all of them have satellite connections. Moreover, children these days can watch TV programmes from their smartphones using the internet. The easy access to TV channels has made them prone to watch it more. Another reason which deprives children of doing creative activities or new things is the lack of ambition and encouragement. Unfortunately, most of the parents do not motivate or encourage their children on what children do or intend to do. For example, my niece seems to be a pessimistic child because whenever she does or intends to do anything, her parents neglect her instead of encouraging and appraising her. However, children can reduce the hours spent on watching TV and utilise those hours in doing creative or active things. If highly encouraged and motivated, children are expected to engage in those useful works and be accustomed to doing creative and effective activities, no matter how difficult or complex those works or activities are. Again teachers in school should also motive them to get involved in creative works. Parents should allow children to watch suitable TV programmes for a certain period of time each day and they should also get involved in different activities to set examples for their children. Consequently, children will be highly effective and proficient when they become adults and this surely is attributed to their past useful experience. To conclude, children spend much time watching TV because of the easy access to numerous channels and the lack of zeal to do useful things. To eradicate this phenomenon, children must be motivated, guided and mentored.
Nowadays, TV and smartphone have become the main sources of entertainment and spending leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In fact, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
to TV than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
meaningful or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. As far as my opinion
is concerned
, I
strongly
believe that the availability of a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
, easy access to satellite TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of proper guideline and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of ambition in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the main reasons behind the children's'
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
inactivity and
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
less participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
tasks.

It
is taken
for granted that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
due to the availability of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
with diverse means of entertainment which appeal to them.
Moreover
, watching TV has become a permanent habit without which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored and uninterested.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not be enthusiastic about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
anything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
owing to their addiction to TV.
For example
, my child is 6 years of age. He is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spending his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching TV
rather
than on creating or making new things. I have been
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavouring' is British English.
endeavouring
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him active and do new things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately, he always refuses to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. This is quite sure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
is accustomed
to this habit since his tender age. Again, bygone are the days when a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
percentage of households in a country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
TV sets.
On the contrary
, these days a single family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
more than one TV and all of them have satellite connections.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
these days can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
from their smartphones using the internet. The easy access to TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
has made them prone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it more.

Another reason which deprives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
or new things is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of ambition and encouragement. Unfortunately, most of the parents do not motivate or encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do or intend to do.
For example
, my niece seems to be a pessimistic child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
whenever she does or intends to do anything, her parents neglect her
instead
of encouraging and appraising her.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the hours spent on watching TV and
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
those hours in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
or active things. If
highly
encouraged and motivated,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to engage in those useful works and
be accustomed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
and effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, no matter how difficult or complex those works or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are. Again teachers in school should
also
motive them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
works. Parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
suitable TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
for a certain period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
each
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
day and
they should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to set examples for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be
highly
effective and proficient when they become adults and this
surely
is attributed
to their past useful experience.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching TV
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the easy access to numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of zeal to do useful things. To eradicate this phenomenon,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be motivated
, guided and mentored.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What measures and methods can be used to tackle with it? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
497 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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