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Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What methods can be used to tackle it? v.1

Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What methods can be used to tackle it? v. 1
In the modern century, children spend more time on watching TV and less time on outdoor sports. This essay will highlight what are the reasons behind this case and what are some potential measures to resolve it. To begin with, there are several reasons why children more time to spend on TV. Firstly, due to the satellite video, this medium is available all the time. So much so that some channels are designed for children, Which affrwcts children to them. Channels of cotton have been created in the TV which makes them more interested in watching. Thus kids' speed less time in creative things due to their greater focus on TV Secondly, many parents cannot give their children enough time as they spend all day in their work. So kinds use the TV medium to pass the time. However, the solution as simple, but the onus is largely on the parents. They should give their children time and cannot their TV viewing hours children external activity should be encouraged, this allows them to play outdoor games with other children. When a child goes out to play outdoor games, they are exposed to other children who can play outdoor games with each other, such as cricket football. So, they are affected to outdoor sports. To sum up, in this contemporary society parent does not spend much hour with children because of which they more focused on the TV. However, this situation can be dealt with very nicely by the efforts of parents
In the modern century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching TV and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
sports. This essay will highlight what are the reasons behind this case and what are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential measures to resolve it.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on TV.
Firstly
, due to the satellite video, this medium is available all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
channels
are designed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, Which
Possible spelling mistake found.
affrwcts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to them. Channels of cotton have
been created
The usual collocation for technology is "on," not "in." It is better to say this: "on the TV".
in the TV
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them more interested in watching.
Thus
kids' speed less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in creative things due to their greater focus on TV
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
all day in their work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
kinds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the TV medium to pass the time.

However
, the solution as simple,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the onus is
largely
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They should give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and cannot their TV viewing hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
external activity should
be encouraged
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
games with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. When a child goes out to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
games, they
are exposed
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who can play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
games with each other, such as cricket football.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
sports.

To sum up, in this contemporary society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much hour with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they more focused on the TV.
However
, this situation can
be dealt
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
nicely
by the efforts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Studies suggest that children spend more time watching TV than they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think it is the case? What methods can be used to tackle it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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